Thankful

November was the month of realizing what you're thankful for. Most everyone knows that, and it was great to see the social media scene blowing up with people being positive and "thankful," if only for a month. And so I looked up the definition of thankful, clicked the first link, and got these three definitions:

1. Conscious of benefit received.
2. Expression of thanks.
3. Well pleased: glad.

The second definition was a given. The first was a little odd in the way it was defined. But the third. It snagged me. Well pleased. The sentence it used was "was thankful that it didn't rain." It was an interesting term for thankful, or at least one that I hadn't really thought of.

For those who follow this trend of describing who/what/when/where/why they're thankful, I'm sure they mean it in the most genuine way. Yet the way a majority of people describe their thanks, it only goes down to the second definition. They are aware of the benefits that have been given to them. Now whether or not you believe God gives those to you or not, that's all up to you. Either way, you have been "given" many benefits simply if you live in America. And no doubt what they say is an expression of thanks, yet I believe that part is the most detached of the three.

But few go down to that third layer. There's a difference between being aware of what you have while being understandingly thankful for them, and being well pleased or glad for them. See, especially as Americans, we tend to hold thankfulness in one hand while craving after something the next. I am amazingly thankful for what I have, including this very computer that I'm writing out this blog on. And at the same time, I wouldn't mind having an iPad, that way I can shpeeeeeel about my life via a tablet and be very cool-like. It's become second nature for us. It's our culture.

And yet the more I think about what being well pleased is like, the more the word content comes to mind. It's a foreign concept, and not one you'll often find in the American culture. To me, if you're content with what you have, you're pleased with it. It means you aren't looking for something else to satisfy you. You're completely ok with having just a computer instead of having a computer AND wanting that iPad.

Having more will not bring me to God. That's not the path to righteousness. However, being content with what you have, being thankful for what you currently have, that can bring you to God. Because when you're content-thankful-with what you have, you can focus that desire and energy for stuff on God instead. It's a lesson I've learned and re-learned countless times.

I could go further, but this post has taken two weeks to develop :)

Closing words: Be THANKFUL. Be Content. 

The Grace of God

I would start this post out by quoting some super cheesy line or scripture about how God provides to those who are faithful, and how that's been the story of these past (almost) four months. But that wouldn't be true. While God has provided, I definitely haven't always been faithful. There were several points where I severely questioned God's plan. After all, once you've applied to countless jobs, only to have two respond, and both just simply not contact you back, you start to lose hope.

I'm not saying that I was turning away from God. I wasn't questioning my salvation or anything (already been through that stage of my faith). It was simply that I wasn't looking towards Him, running after Him. At times, it came down to wondering if God was really providing. Did God's Plan really involve me going through all this junk? Did God even have  a plan for me? I remember there was one day where I asked why He would put my family through this, and why wasn't He showing His Mercy and Grace that I've so often seen before? Was He going to provide?

The answer came often enough, but not directly from God. God helped me find peace through my wife and my child. My wife constantly reminded me that God has provided for us countless times in the short period we've been married. Thankfully, Amber had been able to save up enough money that we have been able to sustain ourselves off of it for these past four months. My wife prayed for me when I was really down and hurting. She would help me see God when I couldn't.

And not to mention my Laylabug. This gift from God has kept me pushing. Kept me trying. And the best part about these past four months: I got to be there for my little girl. Every day. I haven't missed her first laugh. Her first smile. I have been able to see my child grow up from the day she was born. That in itself is a rarity that few fathers have the privilege of having.

God has also provided in other ways. While business isn't "booming," it has picked up. Any money made, no matter how little, is money, right? And with this new job, I can still freelance, meaning I could help make up my time lost. Thank God for that! We also have family that have been more than willing to help us out. We weren't handed out freebies mind you, I've worked for it, and so has Amber. But I thank God for family.

All of this leads up to my title: The Grace of God. I'm not on a mountain right now. Am I thankful for this job? Absolutely, 1000000% But these past four months have drained our savings. There's the ever so slight chance that this job won't be long-term. God and I have some patching up to do. I haven't been faithful to Him because I was angry and frustrated at Him. I'm still in a valley. But God's Grace redeems me. He forgives me for how I've acted towards Him. By His Grace, He will continue to redeem me. By providing these four months, He has shown His Grace, every single day. And I thank Him for it.

I still need prayers. We always need prayer. Make it sincere. Pray for our country, its future, our future as a free people. Pray that God works in us.

By His Grace, and only by His Grace.

Decisions Part II

Remember that last post....way back at the end of September? Ya. I was supposed to give an opposing view to Mr. Anonymous, who, very kindly, gave an interesting POV. Basing my beliefs from my last post out of Ezekiel, I realized I wasn't specific enough. I base it from Ezekiel 38, which depicts a Israel surrounded by hostile nations bent on Israel's destruction (aka, their entire history).

I broke this chapter down for a friend a couple of weeks ago. And so I'd like to do the same now:

Ezekiel 38:1-6 lists the nations against Israel.

  The nations are as followed:
     Gog and Magog is Russia.
     Meshech and Tubal is Turkey.
     Persia is Iran.
     Cush is Sudan.
     Put is Lybia.
   Those are the main countries listed.

Ezekiel 38:7-9 is Modern Israel.

These verses clearly state a Modern Israel, most importantly from verse 8-"In future years you will invade a land that has recovered from war, whose people were gathered from many nations to the mountains of Israel, which had long been desolate. They had been brought out from the nations, and now all of them live in safety"

Now obviously this takes place in the future, as Israel is anywhere but near peace and safety. But it's an Israel where its people were scattered throughout the nations, and now have united again. Israel had never been "scattered" before, only exiled to a single nation. Thus, this prophecy must relate to Modern Israel.

Ezekiel 38:10-23 is the attack on Israel by those afore mentioned nations, and also God's divine intervention.

Note that only God intervenes for Israel. No other nation is mentioned as being on Israel defense. Why wouldn't America? Relations are icy at best right now, but we are still Israel's only official ally. Right? So what's the deal? Interesting.


My point in this is to state a more specific part of Ezekiel, and drawing a modern picture of a prophecy told millennia ago. That should clear up the main misunderstanding. I'm not saying Israel in Ezekiel is America. I'm merely stating that America doesn't do anything to prevent Israel from being destroyed, based on this prophecy. I know that's a lot to go off of. But as I've studied other parts of the Bible, and have done some research, I find this more and more to be true. And that's concerning.

It's my personal belief that God will judge America to the point where we have no influence to the rest of the world. Not because we aren't a country of Christians anymore, rather because we are a nation that has cause more immoral acts of evil than any other nation in the history of the world. Not only that, but we are the leading activist for encouraging these immoral acts throughout the entire world. And that perversion will be answered by God. It's not something we as Americans want to think about. But it's a reality for me. So I must act accordingly, spread the word of what I believe, and hope that perhaps some will see what I see and that they will act.

Thank you Mr. Anonymous for keeping this debate civil and polite. It's a rare characteristic nowadays.

God bless all of you in every way possible

Lost in the Noise/Decisions

I realized yesterday that I haven't blogged in a while. And it was shortly after that I realized it had been almost a month since my last post. Apologies all around. One could say that being still unemployed gives you a lack of things to talk about. Redundancy tends to run rampant. So I simply had no motivation to blog.

Well, some things have changed.

I've the decent chance at a new job. It's a graphic design position, the company looks pretty cool, and I get to fully use both my graphic design, as well as my photography experience. My "second interview" yesterday was probably the most intense second interview I've ever had. I started by creating an advertisement piece for the company using their logos (that was interesting). After that, I was asked to do a photoshoot of their products using studio lighting. Considering I haven't used studio lighting in about three years, THAT was fun. Eventually I got the whole lighting thing down, took some great shots, edited them, and that was it. Took about two hours. I was just a little bit nervous as you can bet. But I think I have a solid chance at getting this job. I hope.

Layla turns 2 months old tomorrow! Holy. Cow. She has already changed soooooo much. She's learning to talk (baby talk, coos and awws and all sorts of cutesy stuff). She can hold her head up consistently, and is kinda sorta maybe starting to learn to crawl. Nothing prepares you for this. It's amazing. Ya, you may be around babies, you may have been there to watch your niece and nephew grow up. But, personally, it doesn't compare to watching your own child grow up. I love it. Layla has been such an immense blessing to Amber and I. To say that I look forward to seeing her grow UP is too....lacking. It excites me beyond a whole long list of other things.


Now this next little bit of what I'm going to say, I must warn you, will sound a little far fetched. So if you're not into a Christian's perspective on current events (not directly meaning politics, but it does tie in), biblical prophecy, or a man sounding a little off his rocker, you don't have to read it.

Of late, I have been reading several books, both non-fiction and fiction, about biblical prophecy and how it relates to present day. Immediately some of you will role your eyes. I'll admit, I did at first when my father-in-law started talking about it. But then he kept going into more and more details, backing it up with prophecy (mostly Ezekiel). THEN, I started reading these books about it all. Even going into with a bias against it, the amount of evidence I've seen is startling.

Essentially -and this point is the most crucial, especially for Americans- both Ezekiel and these books proclaim that America will not be a key player when it comes down to the "End Times." Whether that means we aren't strong enough to make a difference, or we aren't even a country at this point, I have no clue. But the message is, we won't matter.

I know that sounds ridiculous. How could we, America, not play a significant role? WE ARE AMERICA AFTER ALL. I have theories, but would rather not spill them out here.

But one thing is also certain. God has called us out of this country. And by us, I mean His Children. Because when the s%*! hits the fan, God is going to judge America. Our nation has become a cesspool of evil and rebellion from God, and when it comes time, He will judge her. So He calls His People out of this nation, lest we be judged along with the rest.

This is my point. When the time comes, my family is most important to me. I don't see leaving this country as abandoning it. Not when I have a message from God saying to leave. It doesn't all make sense. Sometimes even I think it's still crazy. I mean, leaving the country I've lived in my entire life. Leaving everything behind. How insane is that? Leaving AMERICA? Who would do that? But given the opportunity to protect my family, I'd do it in a heartbeat.

Knock it off as lunacy. Say I'm crazy. I'll take my chances. Especially when it means saving my family.

Here's the two main books I've been reading if you want to look it up:

Non Fiction:

The End of America: The Role of Islam in the End Times and Biblical Warnings of Flee America by John Price

Epicenter: Why the Current Rumblings in the Middle East Will Change the Future by Joel Rosenberg



If you want to know more, just ask me, and I'll do my best to answer them in its entirety. May God continue to bless every one of you.

35 days

Yurp. Layla is 35 days old. Amber and I are really excited for what's coming up now. Layla is starting to smile :) And it's absolutely adorable. We upgraded to cloth diapers this week too....well transitioning I should say. It should get interesting now. The thought that we are going to have to keep the diapers instead of throwing them away, and washing....crap every day, not every exciting. But, saving a crap (no pun intended) ton of money by using cloth diapers and not having to buy diapers all the time, makes it worth it I think.

Having Layla is an immense blessing. No doubt. But that blessing would be unbelievably stressful if it weren't for my wife. Not gonna lie, a baby causes a good amount of frustration. Especially at night, say when she takes twenty minute power naps, then she's hungry, and awake for an hour, repeat *cough last night cough cough*. I cannot imagine doing this without my significant other. I know there are too many single moms and dads out there. Many from the other partner abandoning them or what not. My heart goes out to them. And you have to respect them. You HAVE to. Because they have to do this all by themselves. Couldn't imagine doing this without help. So Amber, thank you so much for being an amazing mother for our child. And an amazing wife to me. It means more than you could every think.

Life is looking up too. Still haven't heard back from anyone job wise. But my freelancing has picked up. It's nowhere near enough currently to cover expenses, but it's something, and thank God for our savings. I'm still looking for a job no doubt, but also pushing my business to where I can eventually go full time. That's my dream. I know it, my wife knows it and supports it, God knows it. I just pray that's in His Plan. I'm just thankful for the opportunities that He has provided for me.

I just want to close with this. Thank God, daily. I know some of my readers have issues with him, but I want everyone to know that He provides. Always. Ya it's in His own time. And that can be uber stressful and irritating for us finite beings. Yet, at least in my experiences with God, it ALWAYS has been perfect. So don't give up on God. Have a personal relationship with God. It will help you in all areas of life. Count your blessings, and praise the Creator.

God bless, everyone.

One Month

That's right people. Layla turned one month old today. And in honor of that, it appears that she grew an inch overnight. At least it seems like it. Comparing pictures from just a month ago, she has grown a lot. Too much for my liking.

It's crazy how fast time flies. It's hard to imagine that we were in the hospital a month ago welcoming this new child into the world. She seemed so small and fragile, so tiny. Now she gets heavier by the day, longer by the day. She can keep her head up for a little while. Layla's starting to get those little jibber jabbers of baby talk.

It's going too fast. Next thing you know, she's gonna be one. That's what it feels like. And she's been such a blessing. Though there are times where that doesn't seem true in the moment, it's always the feeling I get when I look at her. When she's just staring right back at me. I know she knows me. Amber and I are hers. When she sees us, she recognizes us. It is such a strange thing. A marvelous thing.

Every time I look at my child, I see God. I see a miracle. She's a daily reminder that I should be praising and thanking God for what He has done. There are days when I don't want to, not gonna lie. But it's hard not to when you're looking at this blessing. I look at her and I know God can provide. Even though I have my doubts, I know He'll do it in His way, at the best time.

I'm not saying everything is rosy in my life. Still jobless. Layla has some terrible crying spells sometimes. Waking up in the middle of the night to comfort a baby. These are some tough, stormy times for me. But I know some people have it worse, and they still praise God. Plus, I live in a country that allows me to speak openly and freely about God (for the time being anyways). That helps me not feel crappy about my situation.

As always, I ask for prayer. Prayer for a job. Safety of my wife and child. Prayer that I can always trust God.

Love God. Because He's worthy of Love.

G'night

3 weeks

So I decided this morning that I would update this here blog every Friday, right on the week mark Layla was born, that way people can keep track on how old she is (slightly for my sake as well). And I'll keep it like this, unless something amazing or dire just has to be blogged about before then.

It's week 3. That's right. Three weeks. Lemme tell you: It has flown by. I cannot believe that our little girl is growing up so fast. No sooner do we wake up to her wonderful crying, moaning, or her delicious smelling blow-outs, then it's bedtime (usually 8:30 pm). Days seem so much shorter than they were before she came into our lives. I guess it's all the attention she needs, plus all the things to do around the house that daily needs doing.

Except for a few REALLY long nights, Layla has been one of the easiest-going babies I've known, though personally, I've only known......three? Maybe? Thankfully she's been this good. I know everyone prays for a laid back baby, and thank the Lord she is. It helps that she's just so dang darn cute. And she's growing like a weed. Holy goodness. Next time I turn around she's gonna be 1. Ok, I take that back, she can't be 1, not for like....another 5 years.

Amber is doing great too. She's almost back to pre-pregnancy weight. That makes her VERY happy. She bent forward to kiss Layla on the cheek this morning, I asked her "Doesn't it feel great to be able to bend again?" Amber just beamed a smile at me.

I love being a family. Not that Amber and I weren't a family before. There's just something about having a child that revolutionizes what it means to be a family. You have a human being that is completely and utterly relient on...well really just mom, but she needs me too I guess ;). And I don't think it's still quite hit me that she is going to be a part of my life forever. It's just too foreign an idea for me right now. It's exciting though. I love it, and would not trade that for anything.



Now for the not-so-happy-go-lucky stuff. I'll make it quick. Still unemployed. Had an interview with a temp agency for a job, but it doesn't look like it'll go thru. Hey, at least it's a start.

Still angry & frustrated with the previous employers. Working through that. Doing a week long devotional on Working Thru Anger that I found on my Bible App. Day 1 was good.

Psalm 37:8 was one of the verses to study, and it really stuck out to me:
Refrain from anger, and turn from wrath; Do not fret - it leads to evil.

That last part stung me. Because I have no income, I fret. A lot. But I haven't made the connection of fretting leading to evil. It does! When I fret, I remember why: I got fired. Then I focus on that, which makes me angry. Makes me want to get revenge. And that leads to evil. So I'm working on NOT fretting. Not easy.

I'm hoping this week long study will help me push through this anger. I have to let God take it, and I don't want Him to yet. So pray that I can let go. I have to.


I pray that God blesses every single one of you. Thank you for your support and love. It means a whole lot like.

Joy & Hate

These are the two greatest emotions coursing throughout my body today. It's interesting how you can be experiencing such a polar difference of emotion at the same time.

Thankfully, Joy is the dominant one. There is an overwhelming sense of Joy in my soul these past nine days. God has granted Amber and I one of THE greatest earthly gifts we could ever receive: a child. Layla Grace Floyd was born at 6:09 am on July 27th, 2012. She was 6lbs, 15.8oz and 20.25" long. A strong healthy baby that quickly made her appearance a full week and a half early.

I could not ask for a better gift. Everyone talks about the love a parent feels for their child. But AS a child, you never can fully understand it. Let me tell you right now, the second that baby comes, there is an immediate love that comes from somewhere deep inside, like a geyser you didn't see coming. THEN, as every single day, hour, minute passes, that love continues to grown. I never thought that I could love this Gift from God as much as I do. Every little thing that she does makes me thankful. She is perfect.

Now the mother of our child, she deserves a whole part on her own. My wife is THE strongest woman I know. No gross details, but she proved her metal while in labor, and she did so without medication, just like we wanted. Labor went unbelievably fast, and she did an absolutely amazing job. Nothing can match the joy on her face after seeing her hold our little one.

Side note-As a husband, I have never wanted to rescue my wife more than when she was screaming in pain during those contractions. You're talking about trying to hold back cries with her because I couldn't do anything to help ease the pain. Actually, I was causing her MORE pain because I was getting her through those contractions and especially during the push phase. HOLY. GEEZ.

And Amber has been crazy patient with Layla and I. My wife is an amazing woman. If I was in her shoes, I couldn't handle it all. But she takes it all in stride, and I do what I can to help her make things as easy as possible. She's going to be a superb mother. I am excited beyond belief that I get to experience and entirely new side of my spouse. It's going to make life that much more amazing, and I'm thankful I get to live it out with her.



Totally changing subjects now.

We've all been told never to hate. That hate is such a strong word, and that we rarely mean it when we say it. But I can tell you right now, today hate consumed me for a while. It's a consuming emotion, isn't it? And unfortunately, it tends to have a sweet taste, which makes it harder to get rid of.

I was "terminated" from my previous job a couple of weeks ago. Though their reason was different, I know it was really because my bosses and I weren't compatible at ALL, and they were extremely antsy about the fact that I would be taking a whole week off once Layla was born. So what do they do? They cut me off two weeks before they KNOW my baby will be born.

Well a series of emails, no responses, and a legal letter later, I am consumed with hate. When this all started, it was anger. Pissed off because they knew what they were doing was wrong, but they did it anyways. Then they stopped corresponding altogether. Instead of letting me know via phone if I was fired, they sent an email. Then sent an email saying they're going to mail my check and the rest of my personals. THEN they won't respond to my emails about a termination letter, ONLY to get a legal letter saying that the client (my previous employers) have refused to give me one.

I know it's because they're feeling guilty, ashamed, maybe even afraid. That doesn't justify their actions, but it enrages me. They are cowardly. That's all there is to it.

Now what's really going to get your goat is this: the reason why it has turned to hate is because I have the means for retaliation. I have the power to bring down about every means of their online presence. It is within my abilities to eliminate it. The idiots that are my former employers haven't thought about changing the password. Seriously? That's why this is consuming me. Satan plays at my heartstrings. I've been so close to going thru with it. It gnaws at me. Constantly. And that just feeds the hate. Their immaturity fuels my desire for retribution. Who wouldn't want that? I do. So badly.

It's so UnChristian. And I know this. It's something I need to let God rip from me, but I don't want it go away. It's the Fallen Nature that wants that revenge, that final blow. And it sucks. Terribly.


So what I ask is that everyone who reads this, to pray for me. Pray that God will take this from me. That the Joy of having a child in my life will help to erase the Hate that has filled me.

I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.

Romans 15:13

God's Will

I know a lot of people have a big issue with this subject. A LOT of Christians follow this ideology in an extremely naive manner, and it so happens that these are the Christians that get noticed more often than not. You've all heard it, "Such and such terrible thing has happened, but it must be God's Will, or it wouldn't have happened." I have been guilty of it myself. Many times.

BUT, as a follower of Christ, I must understand that some things, including the terrible ones, ARE God's Will. God does what He so chooses, and while that may not seem fair or right, it is something that every Christian must accept. Now, God isn't some bully or the biggest-guy-on-the-block, not caring what He does or who it affects. No, He is the essence of Love. Grace. Mercy. Caring. He's a father after all.

And as the essence of all of this, He undoubtedly has a plan. My faith relies on Him having one. There was a time where I didn't believe He cared or had a plan, which caused me to have very little faith in God. But God has shown me time and time again that He DOES have a plan. I literally have no doubts about that. It's hard fully relying on God. Have you tried it? The Bible says He's our rock, but it's hard to fathom that rock when you literally need a rock to lean against so you have something stable in your life.

So I have to believe that God has a plan for me. A plan that involves me losing my design job. A plan that involves me losing my job with my wife 39 weeks pregnant. It's not easy. God never promises a plan that doesn't involve pain or suffering. He promises storms and trials. This is just one of those times. The storm's a little bigger and has a lot more pressure building into it. But I HAVE to rely on God, that He has a plan for me and my family.

Luckily I have God. Imagine trying to get thru this life without the Infinite One by your side. No. Thanks.

This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.
Psalm 118:24

One. Month.

In one month from today, I will (hopefully) be in a hospital, standing next to the love of my life as we experience probably the most painful blessing God could give us.

Of course, those experiences will be completely different. But by the end of it, we will see "the fruits of our (and by our, I mean my wife's) labor (no pun intended). This has been a miraculous eight months. I could not spend it better on earth than with my wife, who has been an AMAZING pregnant woman. She is one of the strongest people I know. And God couldn't have blessed me with a more perfect match.

God is so unbelievable. He has shown me His majesty, grace, forgiveness, fatherhood, and so many other things these past eight months alone. I cannot wait for Him to reveal more of Himself as I grow with Him.

One month. As everything changes. Lean on God. He doesn't move.

38 Days Anddddd Counting

This time last year, we were insanely busy, anxious, nerve-wracked. Every day was squeezing in as much work as we could to finish up the reception venue (aka my in-laws barn) before our wedding. I can honestly tell you I remember thinking that week that it couldn't get any crazier than this.

I've been wrong. A year from that week, and while it isn't quite as busy, it's anxiousness escalating, it's keeping a closer eye on how my wife is doing, making sure she doesn't wear herself out too much, getting the house ready. All for a glorious gift from God.

I can say that I didn't expect to have an addition to the family so soon. Who does after only a year of marriage (well technically 4ish months of marriage)? Now as we get to the last month, life has a tendency to get faster. And crazier. And more anxious.

But mixed in with those emotions are joy, happiness, tears (yes, tears are an emotion for me). The closer we get to having this baby, the more I become overwhelmingly excited to being this new stage with my wife. Seeing what she goes through every day, I have come to find a whole new realm of appreciation for who she is to me, and how important she is to our child's life.

I mean, she IS this baby's lifeline. She's Layla's food supply, her comfort, her warmth. I can't provide a drop in a bucket compared to my wife's importance to this child. And all the while, Amber's body is repairing, adapting, and changing back to a pre-pregnancy state. How INSANE is that?

My wife is a daily reminder of God's grace, His blessings, and His unbelievable gift of Life. Every day I see Life. Every day I see how amazing God made us. How amazing God made WOMEN. Layla is the rich blessing of my amazing marriage to my amazing wife. And I don't care what you believe or your views, Layla IS a blessing. Not just any blessing, but a blessing from Yahweh, and that such an infinite being would bless me not just with the most perfect woman for me, but with a child is so far beyond me.

We serve an unbelievable God. My prayer today is that anyone who reads this would search and find their blessings. I guarantee you they're there, from the tiny smile you needed, to the miracle that changed your life. Find them, and thank God for them.

Little Layla Grace

So yesterday we were amazingly blessed to see our Layla Grace in 3d. Honestly, I had no idea what to expect. I've seen pictures of other baby's 3d pictures, but this was completely different. Seeing your child as close to real as you can get without taking her out of mommy's stomach was unbelievable. We saw her yawn, get the hiccups, open her eyes, practicing her breathing, and we definitely know she's a girl.

Yesterday was one of those reality check moments for me. They've been happening with more and more frequency lately. Moments where it suddenly hits you: Holy dang, we are going to have a baby. I SAW my child yesterday. It's completely and totally real. And in two months, that child will be here, in our home, a part of our family.

It's a scary thought. I don't really know of ANYONE who is completely ready for a baby. I'm certainly not. But it's ok. I've got Amber :). And I've got both sides of the family who, thank the Lord, are absolutely more than ready to help us out in any way possible. It's such an incredible blessing because I know people who don't have that. They're a single parent, or a couple who have kids, and they're on their own. They don't have that comfort and support of family members, either because they don't have any, or they live too far away, or simply because their family sucks.

I know I mention this in about every post, but God has truly blessed us. I cannot keep count of the ways. And it's not because we go to church every Sunday, or know the right people. It's because God has chosen, of His own free will, to bless us. It's unconditional. God doesn't expect anything in return. How insane is that? It's awesome. And more the reason to praise and thank Him every day for the blessings.

Life is about to get turned upside down. I know there's no way to prepare for it. It was just like marriage. No amount of books, or people's stories or advice can prepare you for what's ahead. You just have to experience it. As much as it freaks me out, I'm so ready for it.

God is Good, All the Time. All the Time, God is Good.

Thank Him today for the blessings. 

The Art of Faith

For some reason today John 20:29 popped into my head during church. "Blessed are those who have not seen and yet believe." It's the most simple definition of faith. Believing in something that you cannot see.

What would it have been like to see Jesus? I mean, the literal Son of God, a being fully man and yet completely and fully God? And to not only see him, but to live with him as his closest disciples during his time of ministry? How amazing would that have been?

It just really hit me today the idea behind faith. We base our theology and faith off of those closest to the Son of God. We have Faith that what they saw and wrote down accurately represents God and Jesus. I mean, of course we believe because it's the Word of God, but even THAT belief is taken on faith.

Blessed are those who have not seen and yet believe. Many of us have not seen Jesus. Or God. Yet we still wholly believe he is who he says he is. Our faith is GREATER than the disciples. The very disciples who lived with Christ. Because we didn't live with Jesus. We haven't seen him personally heal the blind, or give a sermon full of parallels and symbolism. And yet we STILL believe.

So for every Christian who reads this, you are more blessed than the disciples. God rewards your faith in the things unseen. And for those who haven't accepted Christ, maybe you will one day, and see the rewards of faith in a completely sovereign God

Job, Wifey, God (not in order of importance)

It's been awhile, eh?

A lot has happened in a month (well more like 6 weeks). Wow. I've been at my job for about 5 weeks. And have learned a ton. No amount of college deadlines matches the speed at which I blow thru designs. The pace of this job is unlike anything I thought to be possible. You always imagine having fairly strict deadlines, but this...this is insane. But it's amazing for me. I love the job part. Bosses are a different story. I won't go into it, but it's a wee bit crazy.

My wifey is a growing. She's 29 weeks along. TWENTY. NINE. That's almost 30 ;) It is absolutely ridiculous that in a couple of months we will be in the hospital having a BABY. I must say I'm absolutely smitten with little Layla. She has a ton of personality (hard to believe for something that hasn't come out of a womb yet). Apparently Amber scared Layla upon dropping a can on the ground, which caused Layla to "jump."

Pregnancy has had its up and downs, but for the most part, it has been a fairly easy ride (from the husband's perspective, mind you). Amber has had nothing majorly wrong happen, and she keeps herself very healthy. I have enjoyed every bit of it, but I think Amber is definitely ready to be done. I'm just ready to see this cute, adorable little baby Layla. We've gone to childbirthing classes, and learned waayyyyyyy too much stuff I didn't need to. It was good, I learned some extremely helpful things, just there was some stuff no man should need/want to know about.

We had our baby shower Sunday. And were "showered" with gifts. See what I did there??? lol. Really though, I am so thankful for everyone who has given support for our first child. We won't go without anything I believe, and we have so many people to go to if anything should happen. We feel unbelievably blessed. So thank you everyone. Truly.

Thru all of this God has really shown Himself. He has poured blessings on us, and I do my best to give praise to Him. It's honestly difficult sometimes. I mean, after all, I can take the credit for a lot of it right? I'm the one in the physical realm, doing this stuff. But it's truly because of God that ALL of this has happened. Some people have a hard time attributing anything on Earth being a direct result of God's blessing, and yes, sometimes that person is me. Yet I put my faith in the FACT that God is leading my life, and He knows best, and always will. He can, will, and does, take care of me and my family.

Thanks to everyone who has supported us. It means a lot. And soon we will have a new person to add to the family!

God Bless!

Information Overload

Have you ever had a day where you got so much information that your brain literally hurts? That was today. My first day on the job. I took in so much info, I was exhausted by 11, and I "worked" until 5. Today I discovered just how big of shoes that I'm going to be filling. Slightly....no, heavily overwhelmed would explain my emotions.

It wouldn't be quite so bad if I had a couple, maybe a few weeks to ease my way into this position. But nope! The guy I'm replacing has surgery on Wednesday, and that means I'm by myself until possibly Friday. So today and tomorrow is essentially my training. Wednesday and Thursday are...how do you say it...test days. Even though I'll be working minimum hours those days, I will have to push myself to prove I was the right choice for this job.

Honestly, I believe I can handle it. I learned an immense amount of knowledge today, most of it I hope I remember this week. But it IS overwhelming. BUT! God wouldn't throw me in the lion's den without giving me some help. So if you could pray for anything about me, pray for inspiration. Inspiration that will keep me on my toes and keep me moving forward.

That's all. Just a small update. God works wonders. Thank goodness.

God Is

Praise God, from whom all blessing flow. That's the doxology for many churches, right? Especially on a day such as today, it seems extremely fitting. Today we celebrate what many people consider to be God's greatest miracle: The Resurrection. The symbolism (literal as well) of what Christ did on the cross fills up volumes of books, and to go even further, conquering death is a fairly big deal. It's something that no one (minus the prophet Elijah, but he more or less just skipped death) has been able to defeat. Death is something that every single person before us has succumbed to.

But because of what Christ did, we no longer fear Death. Where as it was the end of a person's life before Christ, now it serves as a means to be reborn forever. Christ turned that which was meant as a weapon of the enemy into the means for eternal life. And it's thru His sacrifice that we have this gift. If you can't get excited about that, then....well you should. Because no other being could ever go through with such an immense thing and come out of it alive (and I mean alive in the most literal of statements).

Switching gears.

God has poured out his blessings on us this weekend. I went from being a "shift supervisor" at Godfather's Pizza, to being THE graphic designer for a small screenprinting company fifteen minutes from where we live. Literally it happened in less than 24 hours. I applied, took a design "test," had an interview the next morning (saturday) and was offered the position in less than a full day. God's hand was at work in the whole process, I have no doubt. Everything fit too well and moved too fast for the circumstances to be coincidental.

This has been an answer to a long period of prayers. God has taught me a lot about patience (not to say that I've kept a lot of it), but has shown me that if I keep my faith in Him, no matter how down the situation looks, He will provide in HIS. OWN. TIME. And it somehow always becomes clear once it happens. Funny how that works.

So now that I am in charge of all graphic design for this company, nervousness has rushed in to fill the excitement. I am the only graphic designer, so I create everything for every design for every t-shirt, hoodie, etc that come thru this place. A little pressure for a guy who graduated a year ago with hardly any work/client design experience. Slightly overwhelming? Chyes (Modern Family input there).

But I know this will be the best for me right now. I guess God knows that if I worked under a head graphic designer at some other job, I probably wouldn't quite grow as quickly. But with every design being created by me in this crazy fast-paced industry, I know I will become faster, more efficient, and will HAVE to grow to complete these orders. By the time I move on beyond this job, I will have honed my skills to a degree I couldn't imagine. At least that's the plan.

Switching gears. Again.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow. This weekend has been one of many affirmations of my faith. God DOES answer prayers. Yes, God says no. He has shut many doors, right in my face. But He also says YES! YES! SEE HOW I PROVIDE FOR YOU?!?! HAVE I NOT TOLD YOU I'D TAKE CARE OF YOU? I LOVE YOU MY CHILD!! SO MUCH THAT MY SON TOOK ON ALL OF YOUR SINS SO I COULD HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU AND BLESS YOU AND LOVE YOU!!!!

So if you're reading this, and you don't have that relationship with God, I pray that you would find it. It doesn't mean He'll give you everything you want or ask for. But it will change your life in ways you couldn't believe. It relieves you of so many hurts, pains, bagges and mountains. Let Christ die for you, because He already did, and He wants you to be in a loving relationship with Him, and He wants to bless you in a million different ways that you couldn't fathom.


Praise God from whom all blessings flow. 

Blessed

This is probably the most current and accurate word that I can describe my life right now. These past few weeks have been nothing but blessed. Now I'm not really aiming to brag, but Christians (and non-Christians) like to hear about the joys and blessings of others, right?

Layla Grace. That's her name. The name of our little baby girl. Not only have I gotten to see her, but she's a stubborn, kicking little being. Getting to feel our baby has got to be one of the most exciting and terrifying things in the world. It's just unreal that there is a living, breathing, moving, kicking, human being inside of my wife's womb. Just the complexity of it screams God. And having a constant reminder of God right next to you is an amazing blessing.

A baby of course has financial obligations. But what do you know? God has taken care of that, at least temporarily. I've recently been promoted to Shift Supervisor at Godfather's Pizza. Not exactly what I believed would be the plan when I prayed to God for help, but hey, God is God, and I am not. He has reminded me that He will take care of me and He will do it however He wants. Not that I am complaining, it's just humorous how in control we think we and how we believe we know what's best for us at any time.

God has always promised to take care of us. He will and does always provide, especially in ways we don't think are possible or wanted. It's a harsh lesson to be learned, but what doesn't kill you makes you smarter, not necessarily stronger. God keeps us in check, thank goodness. And when we are faithful, He blesses us. Like I just said, it's pretty much guaranteed that it won't be in the manner you want. But I am fully under the influence that He always blesses those who are faithful to Him.

I'll try to keep updating more frequently, I just had major blogging/writer's block this past month.

God bless everyone. Thanks for reading!

Tomorrow

So tomorrow is the one of the biggest day of my...excuse me...our lives. Tomorrow we find out whether we are going to have a girl or a boy. I absolutely cannot wait to find out. I want a girl, and so does Amber. But I will be completely content with a boy. 

I still can't believe that God has chosen to bless us with a child. A few years ahead of schedule, but hey, God knows what He's doing right? I think so. 

I just wanted to have a post about this. And I'm so incredibly, unbelievably, crazy, ridiculously, undoubtedly excited for tomorrow at 930. 

Bring. It.

Becoming Content (part 2)

In the last paragraph of my previous post, it became clear that I hadn't really delved into how the spiritual content influences me. It has a tremendous effects in every aspect of my life. It's interesting how God has a way of affecting every part of your life even when don't see how it could. So here we go.

Yes, this contentness influences worldly desires. Who doesn't dream or aspire to live in a large house that can comfortably hold his family? Who doesn't want to have a career that more than takes care of his family? These "worldly" things are what I want, what I desire. It's not wrong to want them. Any "real" man would seek to take care of his family in such ways. God wants us to want. And He wants us to tell Him what we want.

The only problem is that when we tell Him what we want, and He doesn't instantly gratify it. Oh if it's in the cards, He'll make sure you get it, but it might take years. And we don't like that. I'll admit, I don't like that. I don't like to be told that I can tell God what I want, that's it's ok to want that, and then to hear, "Trust Me, I know what is best, when is best, where is best, and I know how is best." It sucks.

But it's in that midst that the Godly Contentness takes over. See, I'm learning that there doesn't need to be a distinction between my spiritual and worldly worlds. It's not like being right brained or left brained. God wants them so intermingled that you can't tell the difference (in a good way). That idea is hard for me to grasp sometimes. But in those "light bulb" moments, God shows me that I can trust Him, and that He'll pull through. He doesn't need my help, He just needs me to let go. To let go of everything I've made in my head. My head. I won't let go sometimes because I don't want God to take what I thought of. I don't want Him to meddle in my Ideals.

Sounds laughable right? But how many times have YOU done it? You won't be able to count, that's how many times. It's a daily struggle for me. Every day I have to commit to letting God take control. And there's several days where that doesn't happen. I just won't let God take it. Not from lack of trust. Simply because I'm tied to it. If He takes those plans, He takes me with them too. And then I'm not in control. And for a human, it rocks the very core of oneself to not be in control of the only thing that they believe is only theirs.

Every person can relate. I don't think on the level that I'm talking about. Or maybe you can relate deeper than I've experienced. I hope every person can feel that complete lack of control, so that they HAVE to rely on God as their only option. It's absolutely petrifying, but it changes you in ways you can't possibly imagine.

That's all I have for now. May God bless each and every one of you in the manner He seems fit. 

Becoming Content (part 1)

I know I mention this in about every post I've had so far in one sense or another, but it has remained a constant struggle for me. In my mind, things can always be better, I can always improve my situation, I (as in myself) never want to be content, so why should I?

Having said that, let me clarify further. There are at least two different types of content. We will call it worldly content, and spiritually/Godly/"Christian" content.

Worldly content has become synonymous with settling. Settling in the negative sense. It means accepting that things are the way they are and you just have to live with it. That not everyone is meant to succeed and achieve beyond their current, meager(?) circumstances. That is how a majority of Americans, and probably most of the world, feels right now. Especially now. There isn't anything they can do to help their current circumstance because either they don't have the faith, the heart, or the hope that they can get beyond that point.

I can't blame them, or judge them. In today's society, only what seems like a handful of people have jobs. The economy has tanked, and will continue to tank. I have little faith in the people who are supposed to be representative of the collective peoples of the United States. "The richer get richer, the poorer get poorer." That statement has never been more true. The American Dream no longer exists. It was butchered by corporations who abused the system that was intended to create a better life for every American. So the people lose heart. And they settle.

Now we turn to Spiritual/Godly/"Christian" content. This content is what is hard for me to grasp. God has not fully taught me the virtue of patience. And yet patience-to me-has slowly become synonymous with this Godly content. To be content with your current circumstances in this sense is NOT to settle. It is the understanding that things can and will get better, but until that opportunity presents itself (in God's timing, keep this in mind) you must be content with what you have. So it's a temporary content. Ever changing, ever adapting to what's going on in the now, but knowing that you can achieve well beyond your current self.

The hardest part is having the idea of what I want to achieve in my head, knowing what I can achieve, and yet knowing it won't come quickly. I almost said instantly. Society demands instantly. I don't necessarily want instantly. I DON'T want instantly actually. I want to enjoy the process of reaching my ideal, yet I don't want the years and years that it might take. That is why it's hard for me to stay content. There is always the drive for me to move forward, 24/7. But time goes by at a constant. Things don't just appear and I snatch it up. They have to develop, and only God knows (literally, not just using the saying 'God knows) how long that will take.

I hate to cut this brutally short, but this could get long, and I don't want to bore my audience all at once, so I'll post pt 2 tomorrow. So stay tuned everyone!

G'night and God Bless!

Twists and Turns of Life

Its seems these days that relatively everything about my life is not certain. Life is full of ifs, ands, or buts. We aren't sure where we will be living once our lease is up. I still don't have a well paying job, which I will desperately need to have once Amber stops working. We don't want to switch churches, but depending on the drive and other circumstances, we may not have a choice.  Amber still hasn't gotten approved for MedicAid, so we are still paying out of pocket for that.

I could pretty much go on and on if I chose to. But God is Bigger. He is Better. And lately, I have learned to lean on Him more fully than I have in a long while. Marriage has been unbelievably, absolutely crucial to that for me. I've learned more personal aspects of God in the last six months that I'd never gotten to know if it weren't for marrying my wife. I thank God for her daily. God has given me a relatively sense of patience and security about the future, even though I have no clue what that might look like.

Yet, not everything is going nowhere in my life. My marriage is still completely solid, we are still definitely having a baby in August. Amber is feeling tons better than she did in the first trimester. I have a peace about the future. It's hard no doubt, and completely scary. But I have God. And through the Creator of the Universe, I can do ALL things.

The most interesting thing right now is an idea that has so lodged itself in my head, I need to get it all figured out, simply to determine if it's a plausible idea or not. I'm starting a coffee company. There. Said it. "But dude, you don't drink coffee." "Nope, I sure don't." "Dude, you don't know anything about coffee." "No, not really. But I can learn." "Dude, you're an art major, not a business major." "Haha, totally. But I can learn from friends who are." These are just a few of the conversations my mind has with itself (yes, I have conversations in my mind).

It's crazy sounding, starting your own company. But I can't get my mind off of it. It's just not happening. So I'm diving in, doing the research, reading a bagillion articles, asking advice from friends, etc etc. This company won't launch easily for another year probably (if it launches at all). But I feel like it's something that I have to do right now. Thankfully I have the loving support of my wife. It means a mountainous amount to have that.

And so I'm going for it. Moving forward. With Christ as my Head, and my wife by my side.

This ride just got a little more crazy. And I'm lovin' it. Bada ba ba ba

Terrible at Keeping This Updated

So yes, indeed I am absolutely awful at keeping this thing updated for everyone. I will honestly try to do my best from now on to at least update every week.

So much has happened in this last month or so. First, we got to see the baby! At the time, it was barely the size of a lime, and its head was AS big as its body, an odd site to be sure. But I couldn't help but tear up. I mean, that is our BABY. The being that is growing inside of my wonderful wife. It was a crazy awesome sight to be sure. And it gave my wife the reassurance that she is indeed pregnant hahaha.

Now, our little baby is looking steadily like a human being. Its body is becoming more proportionate, and it's kicking around like crazy, but not to the point to where I can feel it. I am cruising through my Father-To-Be book, and learning a crazy amount about just what my wife is going through, and about how I can be of help/not be a burden to her. It's a book that I would highly recommend to ANY father going through a pregnancy.

One thing I read is that husbands sometimes have 'sympathy pains' and the such to help their spouse not feel alone. The thing is though, research has been done that symptoms such as cravings, nausea, pains, etc are not just mimicking things husbands do, but actual bodily feelings that they cannot control. I myself have been feeling this. I can't stop eating salad, with vegetables I would never ever eat raw, but suddenly they're delicious! That's just one example. I've been eating healthier than ever, and it all tastes good when it didn't a few months ago. I'm not going to complain, but it's just bizarre.

I've been loving this though. I'm learning all new things about my wife, and I am steadily learning to put full trust in the Lord despite my worldly "problems" that my mind tends to focus on. I understand and believe that God can and will provide. He has already blessed me beyond belief, beyond what I believe I deserve. But that's how God rolls. And who am I to question why He chooses to bless me. I'll take whatever I can receive, and praise Him continually, no matter if the blessings come or not.

I'll get better at this peeps. Thanks for everyone's support!

Bringing in the New Year

Yes, I know it's not New Year's day. But hey, it's close enough right? I can honestly say that the whole New Year's hoopla has never really appealed to me. I understood its significance to people, but that usually fades away a few weeks after. I've never made a new year's resolution, and only these past two have I had someone to kiss at midnight.
But THIS New Year's had a lot of special significance for me:
First, I have a year long goal: stay steady with the Love Dare book my wife got me. YES, the one from Fireproof. And NO, our marriage is in no way in the ruts or rocky. In fact, it's amazing. It's just something my wonderful wife thought would be good for me to do, and I'm VERY excited to keep with it. It's my daily devotion, and has a love dare that I'm to carry out each week for a year. Any opportunity to deepen my marriage and strengthen the love I have with my wife, I will gladly accept. Like I said, I'm VERY excited to delve into this.
B, I have a "fitness" goal: To lose my stomach. I don't want 300 style abs, I just don't want to have a stomach poochin' out. And I want this flat stomach by the time our baby arrives (the pelican is due August 7th by the way). Feasible? Absolutely. It just means a physical and nutritional routine that I cannot deviate from at all. That's gonna be harder for me than anything else, but hey, I think I've got the motivation to tackle this. I just have to do it!
Charlie, there's a job goal: To have at LEAST 25% of the total income that I make to be from freelancing. That's everything freelance; graphic design, photography, (hopefully) web design, anything art related. It's really been on my heart to find a job that I will love doing, and something that can provide more than enough for my family. And as scary as it sounds, freelancing is one of those routes. There's money in the profession I currently find myself in, I just have to go after it, market myself, hone my skills, and learn from those who have succeeded. There's nothing more exciting to me than being able to create design, to be able to be with my wife and my child whenever I can working from home, and to be free in the things that I want to pursue. That is my American Dream.

Then as I was thinking about these goals before the end of 2011, a thought smashed into me: Not only will I have a baby (hoping for a girl, I'll take either), but he/she will be 5 MONTHS OLD. Holy. Moses. I had already gotten through the fact that I would have a kid, that was easy. But the thought that our little boy/girl would be 5 months old just rocked my world for a minute. I couldn't believe it. I don't want to believe it. haha. My father instincts (I guess most men are hardwired with them) kicked in. How could our kid be 5 months old by the end of next year? That's insane!
I don't know why these thoughts kept running around in my head. It's not like I already have the baby sleeping in the other room, thinking about how they are growing up. This baby is still in my wife! I guess I'm just that excited to be a father. And that terrified. I'm going to be THAT dad for sure. But we have excellent friends, an excellent church, a family 40 minutes away (experienced with grandchildren) and another family 3.5 hours away (very eagerly awaiting to gain experience with grandchildren). God can and will take care of us. I have literally no doubt about that. I am so firmly resolved in taking care of my family that I don't think even God could change my mind. Not that He would. But still..haha.
The new year is my chance. Not to wipe the slate clean, but to further engrave every bit of advice, experience, and love into what I have now. Adding a new layer, so to speak. I'm excited beyond belief. And I cannot imagine ever starting a new year without my wife. She's keeping my life in check, and my head on my shoulders. She's my heartbeat, God is my every breath. Without her, I wouldn't be the father I'm going to be....if that makes sense. And without Him, I wouldn't have met my wife, and I wouldn't be filled with grace.
Praise be to God. Have an amazing New Year my friends and family.