35 days

Yurp. Layla is 35 days old. Amber and I are really excited for what's coming up now. Layla is starting to smile :) And it's absolutely adorable. We upgraded to cloth diapers this week too....well transitioning I should say. It should get interesting now. The thought that we are going to have to keep the diapers instead of throwing them away, and washing....crap every day, not every exciting. But, saving a crap (no pun intended) ton of money by using cloth diapers and not having to buy diapers all the time, makes it worth it I think.

Having Layla is an immense blessing. No doubt. But that blessing would be unbelievably stressful if it weren't for my wife. Not gonna lie, a baby causes a good amount of frustration. Especially at night, say when she takes twenty minute power naps, then she's hungry, and awake for an hour, repeat *cough last night cough cough*. I cannot imagine doing this without my significant other. I know there are too many single moms and dads out there. Many from the other partner abandoning them or what not. My heart goes out to them. And you have to respect them. You HAVE to. Because they have to do this all by themselves. Couldn't imagine doing this without help. So Amber, thank you so much for being an amazing mother for our child. And an amazing wife to me. It means more than you could every think.

Life is looking up too. Still haven't heard back from anyone job wise. But my freelancing has picked up. It's nowhere near enough currently to cover expenses, but it's something, and thank God for our savings. I'm still looking for a job no doubt, but also pushing my business to where I can eventually go full time. That's my dream. I know it, my wife knows it and supports it, God knows it. I just pray that's in His Plan. I'm just thankful for the opportunities that He has provided for me.

I just want to close with this. Thank God, daily. I know some of my readers have issues with him, but I want everyone to know that He provides. Always. Ya it's in His own time. And that can be uber stressful and irritating for us finite beings. Yet, at least in my experiences with God, it ALWAYS has been perfect. So don't give up on God. Have a personal relationship with God. It will help you in all areas of life. Count your blessings, and praise the Creator.

God bless, everyone.

One Month

That's right people. Layla turned one month old today. And in honor of that, it appears that she grew an inch overnight. At least it seems like it. Comparing pictures from just a month ago, she has grown a lot. Too much for my liking.

It's crazy how fast time flies. It's hard to imagine that we were in the hospital a month ago welcoming this new child into the world. She seemed so small and fragile, so tiny. Now she gets heavier by the day, longer by the day. She can keep her head up for a little while. Layla's starting to get those little jibber jabbers of baby talk.

It's going too fast. Next thing you know, she's gonna be one. That's what it feels like. And she's been such a blessing. Though there are times where that doesn't seem true in the moment, it's always the feeling I get when I look at her. When she's just staring right back at me. I know she knows me. Amber and I are hers. When she sees us, she recognizes us. It is such a strange thing. A marvelous thing.

Every time I look at my child, I see God. I see a miracle. She's a daily reminder that I should be praising and thanking God for what He has done. There are days when I don't want to, not gonna lie. But it's hard not to when you're looking at this blessing. I look at her and I know God can provide. Even though I have my doubts, I know He'll do it in His way, at the best time.

I'm not saying everything is rosy in my life. Still jobless. Layla has some terrible crying spells sometimes. Waking up in the middle of the night to comfort a baby. These are some tough, stormy times for me. But I know some people have it worse, and they still praise God. Plus, I live in a country that allows me to speak openly and freely about God (for the time being anyways). That helps me not feel crappy about my situation.

As always, I ask for prayer. Prayer for a job. Safety of my wife and child. Prayer that I can always trust God.

Love God. Because He's worthy of Love.

G'night

3 weeks

So I decided this morning that I would update this here blog every Friday, right on the week mark Layla was born, that way people can keep track on how old she is (slightly for my sake as well). And I'll keep it like this, unless something amazing or dire just has to be blogged about before then.

It's week 3. That's right. Three weeks. Lemme tell you: It has flown by. I cannot believe that our little girl is growing up so fast. No sooner do we wake up to her wonderful crying, moaning, or her delicious smelling blow-outs, then it's bedtime (usually 8:30 pm). Days seem so much shorter than they were before she came into our lives. I guess it's all the attention she needs, plus all the things to do around the house that daily needs doing.

Except for a few REALLY long nights, Layla has been one of the easiest-going babies I've known, though personally, I've only known......three? Maybe? Thankfully she's been this good. I know everyone prays for a laid back baby, and thank the Lord she is. It helps that she's just so dang darn cute. And she's growing like a weed. Holy goodness. Next time I turn around she's gonna be 1. Ok, I take that back, she can't be 1, not for like....another 5 years.

Amber is doing great too. She's almost back to pre-pregnancy weight. That makes her VERY happy. She bent forward to kiss Layla on the cheek this morning, I asked her "Doesn't it feel great to be able to bend again?" Amber just beamed a smile at me.

I love being a family. Not that Amber and I weren't a family before. There's just something about having a child that revolutionizes what it means to be a family. You have a human being that is completely and utterly relient on...well really just mom, but she needs me too I guess ;). And I don't think it's still quite hit me that she is going to be a part of my life forever. It's just too foreign an idea for me right now. It's exciting though. I love it, and would not trade that for anything.



Now for the not-so-happy-go-lucky stuff. I'll make it quick. Still unemployed. Had an interview with a temp agency for a job, but it doesn't look like it'll go thru. Hey, at least it's a start.

Still angry & frustrated with the previous employers. Working through that. Doing a week long devotional on Working Thru Anger that I found on my Bible App. Day 1 was good.

Psalm 37:8 was one of the verses to study, and it really stuck out to me:
Refrain from anger, and turn from wrath; Do not fret - it leads to evil.

That last part stung me. Because I have no income, I fret. A lot. But I haven't made the connection of fretting leading to evil. It does! When I fret, I remember why: I got fired. Then I focus on that, which makes me angry. Makes me want to get revenge. And that leads to evil. So I'm working on NOT fretting. Not easy.

I'm hoping this week long study will help me push through this anger. I have to let God take it, and I don't want Him to yet. So pray that I can let go. I have to.


I pray that God blesses every single one of you. Thank you for your support and love. It means a whole lot like.

Joy & Hate

These are the two greatest emotions coursing throughout my body today. It's interesting how you can be experiencing such a polar difference of emotion at the same time.

Thankfully, Joy is the dominant one. There is an overwhelming sense of Joy in my soul these past nine days. God has granted Amber and I one of THE greatest earthly gifts we could ever receive: a child. Layla Grace Floyd was born at 6:09 am on July 27th, 2012. She was 6lbs, 15.8oz and 20.25" long. A strong healthy baby that quickly made her appearance a full week and a half early.

I could not ask for a better gift. Everyone talks about the love a parent feels for their child. But AS a child, you never can fully understand it. Let me tell you right now, the second that baby comes, there is an immediate love that comes from somewhere deep inside, like a geyser you didn't see coming. THEN, as every single day, hour, minute passes, that love continues to grown. I never thought that I could love this Gift from God as much as I do. Every little thing that she does makes me thankful. She is perfect.

Now the mother of our child, she deserves a whole part on her own. My wife is THE strongest woman I know. No gross details, but she proved her metal while in labor, and she did so without medication, just like we wanted. Labor went unbelievably fast, and she did an absolutely amazing job. Nothing can match the joy on her face after seeing her hold our little one.

Side note-As a husband, I have never wanted to rescue my wife more than when she was screaming in pain during those contractions. You're talking about trying to hold back cries with her because I couldn't do anything to help ease the pain. Actually, I was causing her MORE pain because I was getting her through those contractions and especially during the push phase. HOLY. GEEZ.

And Amber has been crazy patient with Layla and I. My wife is an amazing woman. If I was in her shoes, I couldn't handle it all. But she takes it all in stride, and I do what I can to help her make things as easy as possible. She's going to be a superb mother. I am excited beyond belief that I get to experience and entirely new side of my spouse. It's going to make life that much more amazing, and I'm thankful I get to live it out with her.



Totally changing subjects now.

We've all been told never to hate. That hate is such a strong word, and that we rarely mean it when we say it. But I can tell you right now, today hate consumed me for a while. It's a consuming emotion, isn't it? And unfortunately, it tends to have a sweet taste, which makes it harder to get rid of.

I was "terminated" from my previous job a couple of weeks ago. Though their reason was different, I know it was really because my bosses and I weren't compatible at ALL, and they were extremely antsy about the fact that I would be taking a whole week off once Layla was born. So what do they do? They cut me off two weeks before they KNOW my baby will be born.

Well a series of emails, no responses, and a legal letter later, I am consumed with hate. When this all started, it was anger. Pissed off because they knew what they were doing was wrong, but they did it anyways. Then they stopped corresponding altogether. Instead of letting me know via phone if I was fired, they sent an email. Then sent an email saying they're going to mail my check and the rest of my personals. THEN they won't respond to my emails about a termination letter, ONLY to get a legal letter saying that the client (my previous employers) have refused to give me one.

I know it's because they're feeling guilty, ashamed, maybe even afraid. That doesn't justify their actions, but it enrages me. They are cowardly. That's all there is to it.

Now what's really going to get your goat is this: the reason why it has turned to hate is because I have the means for retaliation. I have the power to bring down about every means of their online presence. It is within my abilities to eliminate it. The idiots that are my former employers haven't thought about changing the password. Seriously? That's why this is consuming me. Satan plays at my heartstrings. I've been so close to going thru with it. It gnaws at me. Constantly. And that just feeds the hate. Their immaturity fuels my desire for retribution. Who wouldn't want that? I do. So badly.

It's so UnChristian. And I know this. It's something I need to let God rip from me, but I don't want it go away. It's the Fallen Nature that wants that revenge, that final blow. And it sucks. Terribly.


So what I ask is that everyone who reads this, to pray for me. Pray that God will take this from me. That the Joy of having a child in my life will help to erase the Hate that has filled me.

I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.

Romans 15:13