Two posts ago I briefly recapped my relationship with God through the last half of 2012. A lot of questioning. A LOT of doubting. And I've been getting better at not questioning, filling it instead with praying. Instead of wondering why, I'm trying to focus on my North Star to guide me. It's not easy for me. It never has.
Friday we were at a gender reveal party for the youth pastor of our church (they're having a boy btw, super stoked for them!). But during this party, the head pastor and I were sitting next to each other and he asked how I was doing. Now, Pastor Bill is one of those guys who would really love to hear what is reallllly going on, how you are really doing. Whether or not he was expecting if from me, I have no idea. But he got it.
I explained a little about how my last year was going with God. How every storm I faced, I doubted that God knew short-term what He was doing. I knew He had a plan for long-term (years down the road), but doubted his short game strategy. THEN, after the storm lifted, how He knew all along. Wash, Rinse, Repeat. That cycle was constant. How was I not getting it through my head that He is in control? Why couldn't I trust God when He clearly, repeatedly, showed Himself to me?
Pastor Bill interrupted me then. He said he was listening to a sermon years ago, pretty much about what was going on in my life. The point the speaker made was that God will give us the same test over and over and over again until we pass. That resounded in my head: God will give us the same test over and over and over again until we pass.
It's been stuck in my head since Friday. That phrase has made me apologize to a dear friend for my attitude towards his situation (inadvertently being the holier-than-thou Christian). It has made me feel broken. It has made me feel stupid. And it has forced me to realize that my approach is STILL wrong.
You want to be angry at a God who would make you go through the same thing over and over again, but, now especially as a parent, I can see why He would do it. Loving your child is also teaching them. Usually, when the child sees the consequences of a certain action, they stop. But some kids are.....stubborn? Slower? It may take a few times, but eventually they'll learn their lesson. God is the exact same way. Out of love He teaches us. And He'll give us the same test until we pass, until we learn. It can be as simple as that.
I want to say that this will cause me to "pass" right away. But I'm one of those stubborn children. And a little slow. My wife jabbed at me to "get it through my head." I'm definitely working on it. Pray for me please. For courage, strength, consistency, wisdom. Anything that'll get me that passing grade ;)
Prayers:
1) One of the ladies in our Life Group asked us to pray for her school. Lot of troubled family situations there. Pray for a peace to reside over all the teachers there, and strength for her to be able to do the right thing with the situations that are presented to her.
May the peace that surpasses all understanding guard your heart and minds through Christ Jesus
Amen
