Becoming Content (part 2)

In the last paragraph of my previous post, it became clear that I hadn't really delved into how the spiritual content influences me. It has a tremendous effects in every aspect of my life. It's interesting how God has a way of affecting every part of your life even when don't see how it could. So here we go.

Yes, this contentness influences worldly desires. Who doesn't dream or aspire to live in a large house that can comfortably hold his family? Who doesn't want to have a career that more than takes care of his family? These "worldly" things are what I want, what I desire. It's not wrong to want them. Any "real" man would seek to take care of his family in such ways. God wants us to want. And He wants us to tell Him what we want.

The only problem is that when we tell Him what we want, and He doesn't instantly gratify it. Oh if it's in the cards, He'll make sure you get it, but it might take years. And we don't like that. I'll admit, I don't like that. I don't like to be told that I can tell God what I want, that's it's ok to want that, and then to hear, "Trust Me, I know what is best, when is best, where is best, and I know how is best." It sucks.

But it's in that midst that the Godly Contentness takes over. See, I'm learning that there doesn't need to be a distinction between my spiritual and worldly worlds. It's not like being right brained or left brained. God wants them so intermingled that you can't tell the difference (in a good way). That idea is hard for me to grasp sometimes. But in those "light bulb" moments, God shows me that I can trust Him, and that He'll pull through. He doesn't need my help, He just needs me to let go. To let go of everything I've made in my head. My head. I won't let go sometimes because I don't want God to take what I thought of. I don't want Him to meddle in my Ideals.

Sounds laughable right? But how many times have YOU done it? You won't be able to count, that's how many times. It's a daily struggle for me. Every day I have to commit to letting God take control. And there's several days where that doesn't happen. I just won't let God take it. Not from lack of trust. Simply because I'm tied to it. If He takes those plans, He takes me with them too. And then I'm not in control. And for a human, it rocks the very core of oneself to not be in control of the only thing that they believe is only theirs.

Every person can relate. I don't think on the level that I'm talking about. Or maybe you can relate deeper than I've experienced. I hope every person can feel that complete lack of control, so that they HAVE to rely on God as their only option. It's absolutely petrifying, but it changes you in ways you can't possibly imagine.

That's all I have for now. May God bless each and every one of you in the manner He seems fit. 

Becoming Content (part 1)

I know I mention this in about every post I've had so far in one sense or another, but it has remained a constant struggle for me. In my mind, things can always be better, I can always improve my situation, I (as in myself) never want to be content, so why should I?

Having said that, let me clarify further. There are at least two different types of content. We will call it worldly content, and spiritually/Godly/"Christian" content.

Worldly content has become synonymous with settling. Settling in the negative sense. It means accepting that things are the way they are and you just have to live with it. That not everyone is meant to succeed and achieve beyond their current, meager(?) circumstances. That is how a majority of Americans, and probably most of the world, feels right now. Especially now. There isn't anything they can do to help their current circumstance because either they don't have the faith, the heart, or the hope that they can get beyond that point.

I can't blame them, or judge them. In today's society, only what seems like a handful of people have jobs. The economy has tanked, and will continue to tank. I have little faith in the people who are supposed to be representative of the collective peoples of the United States. "The richer get richer, the poorer get poorer." That statement has never been more true. The American Dream no longer exists. It was butchered by corporations who abused the system that was intended to create a better life for every American. So the people lose heart. And they settle.

Now we turn to Spiritual/Godly/"Christian" content. This content is what is hard for me to grasp. God has not fully taught me the virtue of patience. And yet patience-to me-has slowly become synonymous with this Godly content. To be content with your current circumstances in this sense is NOT to settle. It is the understanding that things can and will get better, but until that opportunity presents itself (in God's timing, keep this in mind) you must be content with what you have. So it's a temporary content. Ever changing, ever adapting to what's going on in the now, but knowing that you can achieve well beyond your current self.

The hardest part is having the idea of what I want to achieve in my head, knowing what I can achieve, and yet knowing it won't come quickly. I almost said instantly. Society demands instantly. I don't necessarily want instantly. I DON'T want instantly actually. I want to enjoy the process of reaching my ideal, yet I don't want the years and years that it might take. That is why it's hard for me to stay content. There is always the drive for me to move forward, 24/7. But time goes by at a constant. Things don't just appear and I snatch it up. They have to develop, and only God knows (literally, not just using the saying 'God knows) how long that will take.

I hate to cut this brutally short, but this could get long, and I don't want to bore my audience all at once, so I'll post pt 2 tomorrow. So stay tuned everyone!

G'night and God Bless!

Twists and Turns of Life

Its seems these days that relatively everything about my life is not certain. Life is full of ifs, ands, or buts. We aren't sure where we will be living once our lease is up. I still don't have a well paying job, which I will desperately need to have once Amber stops working. We don't want to switch churches, but depending on the drive and other circumstances, we may not have a choice.  Amber still hasn't gotten approved for MedicAid, so we are still paying out of pocket for that.

I could pretty much go on and on if I chose to. But God is Bigger. He is Better. And lately, I have learned to lean on Him more fully than I have in a long while. Marriage has been unbelievably, absolutely crucial to that for me. I've learned more personal aspects of God in the last six months that I'd never gotten to know if it weren't for marrying my wife. I thank God for her daily. God has given me a relatively sense of patience and security about the future, even though I have no clue what that might look like.

Yet, not everything is going nowhere in my life. My marriage is still completely solid, we are still definitely having a baby in August. Amber is feeling tons better than she did in the first trimester. I have a peace about the future. It's hard no doubt, and completely scary. But I have God. And through the Creator of the Universe, I can do ALL things.

The most interesting thing right now is an idea that has so lodged itself in my head, I need to get it all figured out, simply to determine if it's a plausible idea or not. I'm starting a coffee company. There. Said it. "But dude, you don't drink coffee." "Nope, I sure don't." "Dude, you don't know anything about coffee." "No, not really. But I can learn." "Dude, you're an art major, not a business major." "Haha, totally. But I can learn from friends who are." These are just a few of the conversations my mind has with itself (yes, I have conversations in my mind).

It's crazy sounding, starting your own company. But I can't get my mind off of it. It's just not happening. So I'm diving in, doing the research, reading a bagillion articles, asking advice from friends, etc etc. This company won't launch easily for another year probably (if it launches at all). But I feel like it's something that I have to do right now. Thankfully I have the loving support of my wife. It means a mountainous amount to have that.

And so I'm going for it. Moving forward. With Christ as my Head, and my wife by my side.

This ride just got a little more crazy. And I'm lovin' it. Bada ba ba ba

Terrible at Keeping This Updated

So yes, indeed I am absolutely awful at keeping this thing updated for everyone. I will honestly try to do my best from now on to at least update every week.

So much has happened in this last month or so. First, we got to see the baby! At the time, it was barely the size of a lime, and its head was AS big as its body, an odd site to be sure. But I couldn't help but tear up. I mean, that is our BABY. The being that is growing inside of my wonderful wife. It was a crazy awesome sight to be sure. And it gave my wife the reassurance that she is indeed pregnant hahaha.

Now, our little baby is looking steadily like a human being. Its body is becoming more proportionate, and it's kicking around like crazy, but not to the point to where I can feel it. I am cruising through my Father-To-Be book, and learning a crazy amount about just what my wife is going through, and about how I can be of help/not be a burden to her. It's a book that I would highly recommend to ANY father going through a pregnancy.

One thing I read is that husbands sometimes have 'sympathy pains' and the such to help their spouse not feel alone. The thing is though, research has been done that symptoms such as cravings, nausea, pains, etc are not just mimicking things husbands do, but actual bodily feelings that they cannot control. I myself have been feeling this. I can't stop eating salad, with vegetables I would never ever eat raw, but suddenly they're delicious! That's just one example. I've been eating healthier than ever, and it all tastes good when it didn't a few months ago. I'm not going to complain, but it's just bizarre.

I've been loving this though. I'm learning all new things about my wife, and I am steadily learning to put full trust in the Lord despite my worldly "problems" that my mind tends to focus on. I understand and believe that God can and will provide. He has already blessed me beyond belief, beyond what I believe I deserve. But that's how God rolls. And who am I to question why He chooses to bless me. I'll take whatever I can receive, and praise Him continually, no matter if the blessings come or not.

I'll get better at this peeps. Thanks for everyone's support!