Joy & Hate

These are the two greatest emotions coursing throughout my body today. It's interesting how you can be experiencing such a polar difference of emotion at the same time.

Thankfully, Joy is the dominant one. There is an overwhelming sense of Joy in my soul these past nine days. God has granted Amber and I one of THE greatest earthly gifts we could ever receive: a child. Layla Grace Floyd was born at 6:09 am on July 27th, 2012. She was 6lbs, 15.8oz and 20.25" long. A strong healthy baby that quickly made her appearance a full week and a half early.

I could not ask for a better gift. Everyone talks about the love a parent feels for their child. But AS a child, you never can fully understand it. Let me tell you right now, the second that baby comes, there is an immediate love that comes from somewhere deep inside, like a geyser you didn't see coming. THEN, as every single day, hour, minute passes, that love continues to grown. I never thought that I could love this Gift from God as much as I do. Every little thing that she does makes me thankful. She is perfect.

Now the mother of our child, she deserves a whole part on her own. My wife is THE strongest woman I know. No gross details, but she proved her metal while in labor, and she did so without medication, just like we wanted. Labor went unbelievably fast, and she did an absolutely amazing job. Nothing can match the joy on her face after seeing her hold our little one.

Side note-As a husband, I have never wanted to rescue my wife more than when she was screaming in pain during those contractions. You're talking about trying to hold back cries with her because I couldn't do anything to help ease the pain. Actually, I was causing her MORE pain because I was getting her through those contractions and especially during the push phase. HOLY. GEEZ.

And Amber has been crazy patient with Layla and I. My wife is an amazing woman. If I was in her shoes, I couldn't handle it all. But she takes it all in stride, and I do what I can to help her make things as easy as possible. She's going to be a superb mother. I am excited beyond belief that I get to experience and entirely new side of my spouse. It's going to make life that much more amazing, and I'm thankful I get to live it out with her.



Totally changing subjects now.

We've all been told never to hate. That hate is such a strong word, and that we rarely mean it when we say it. But I can tell you right now, today hate consumed me for a while. It's a consuming emotion, isn't it? And unfortunately, it tends to have a sweet taste, which makes it harder to get rid of.

I was "terminated" from my previous job a couple of weeks ago. Though their reason was different, I know it was really because my bosses and I weren't compatible at ALL, and they were extremely antsy about the fact that I would be taking a whole week off once Layla was born. So what do they do? They cut me off two weeks before they KNOW my baby will be born.

Well a series of emails, no responses, and a legal letter later, I am consumed with hate. When this all started, it was anger. Pissed off because they knew what they were doing was wrong, but they did it anyways. Then they stopped corresponding altogether. Instead of letting me know via phone if I was fired, they sent an email. Then sent an email saying they're going to mail my check and the rest of my personals. THEN they won't respond to my emails about a termination letter, ONLY to get a legal letter saying that the client (my previous employers) have refused to give me one.

I know it's because they're feeling guilty, ashamed, maybe even afraid. That doesn't justify their actions, but it enrages me. They are cowardly. That's all there is to it.

Now what's really going to get your goat is this: the reason why it has turned to hate is because I have the means for retaliation. I have the power to bring down about every means of their online presence. It is within my abilities to eliminate it. The idiots that are my former employers haven't thought about changing the password. Seriously? That's why this is consuming me. Satan plays at my heartstrings. I've been so close to going thru with it. It gnaws at me. Constantly. And that just feeds the hate. Their immaturity fuels my desire for retribution. Who wouldn't want that? I do. So badly.

It's so UnChristian. And I know this. It's something I need to let God rip from me, but I don't want it go away. It's the Fallen Nature that wants that revenge, that final blow. And it sucks. Terribly.


So what I ask is that everyone who reads this, to pray for me. Pray that God will take this from me. That the Joy of having a child in my life will help to erase the Hate that has filled me.

I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.

Romans 15:13

God's Will

I know a lot of people have a big issue with this subject. A LOT of Christians follow this ideology in an extremely naive manner, and it so happens that these are the Christians that get noticed more often than not. You've all heard it, "Such and such terrible thing has happened, but it must be God's Will, or it wouldn't have happened." I have been guilty of it myself. Many times.

BUT, as a follower of Christ, I must understand that some things, including the terrible ones, ARE God's Will. God does what He so chooses, and while that may not seem fair or right, it is something that every Christian must accept. Now, God isn't some bully or the biggest-guy-on-the-block, not caring what He does or who it affects. No, He is the essence of Love. Grace. Mercy. Caring. He's a father after all.

And as the essence of all of this, He undoubtedly has a plan. My faith relies on Him having one. There was a time where I didn't believe He cared or had a plan, which caused me to have very little faith in God. But God has shown me time and time again that He DOES have a plan. I literally have no doubts about that. It's hard fully relying on God. Have you tried it? The Bible says He's our rock, but it's hard to fathom that rock when you literally need a rock to lean against so you have something stable in your life.

So I have to believe that God has a plan for me. A plan that involves me losing my design job. A plan that involves me losing my job with my wife 39 weeks pregnant. It's not easy. God never promises a plan that doesn't involve pain or suffering. He promises storms and trials. This is just one of those times. The storm's a little bigger and has a lot more pressure building into it. But I HAVE to rely on God, that He has a plan for me and my family.

Luckily I have God. Imagine trying to get thru this life without the Infinite One by your side. No. Thanks.

This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.
Psalm 118:24

One. Month.

In one month from today, I will (hopefully) be in a hospital, standing next to the love of my life as we experience probably the most painful blessing God could give us.

Of course, those experiences will be completely different. But by the end of it, we will see "the fruits of our (and by our, I mean my wife's) labor (no pun intended). This has been a miraculous eight months. I could not spend it better on earth than with my wife, who has been an AMAZING pregnant woman. She is one of the strongest people I know. And God couldn't have blessed me with a more perfect match.

God is so unbelievable. He has shown me His majesty, grace, forgiveness, fatherhood, and so many other things these past eight months alone. I cannot wait for Him to reveal more of Himself as I grow with Him.

One month. As everything changes. Lean on God. He doesn't move.

38 Days Anddddd Counting

This time last year, we were insanely busy, anxious, nerve-wracked. Every day was squeezing in as much work as we could to finish up the reception venue (aka my in-laws barn) before our wedding. I can honestly tell you I remember thinking that week that it couldn't get any crazier than this.

I've been wrong. A year from that week, and while it isn't quite as busy, it's anxiousness escalating, it's keeping a closer eye on how my wife is doing, making sure she doesn't wear herself out too much, getting the house ready. All for a glorious gift from God.

I can say that I didn't expect to have an addition to the family so soon. Who does after only a year of marriage (well technically 4ish months of marriage)? Now as we get to the last month, life has a tendency to get faster. And crazier. And more anxious.

But mixed in with those emotions are joy, happiness, tears (yes, tears are an emotion for me). The closer we get to having this baby, the more I become overwhelmingly excited to being this new stage with my wife. Seeing what she goes through every day, I have come to find a whole new realm of appreciation for who she is to me, and how important she is to our child's life.

I mean, she IS this baby's lifeline. She's Layla's food supply, her comfort, her warmth. I can't provide a drop in a bucket compared to my wife's importance to this child. And all the while, Amber's body is repairing, adapting, and changing back to a pre-pregnancy state. How INSANE is that?

My wife is a daily reminder of God's grace, His blessings, and His unbelievable gift of Life. Every day I see Life. Every day I see how amazing God made us. How amazing God made WOMEN. Layla is the rich blessing of my amazing marriage to my amazing wife. And I don't care what you believe or your views, Layla IS a blessing. Not just any blessing, but a blessing from Yahweh, and that such an infinite being would bless me not just with the most perfect woman for me, but with a child is so far beyond me.

We serve an unbelievable God. My prayer today is that anyone who reads this would search and find their blessings. I guarantee you they're there, from the tiny smile you needed, to the miracle that changed your life. Find them, and thank God for them.

Little Layla Grace

So yesterday we were amazingly blessed to see our Layla Grace in 3d. Honestly, I had no idea what to expect. I've seen pictures of other baby's 3d pictures, but this was completely different. Seeing your child as close to real as you can get without taking her out of mommy's stomach was unbelievable. We saw her yawn, get the hiccups, open her eyes, practicing her breathing, and we definitely know she's a girl.

Yesterday was one of those reality check moments for me. They've been happening with more and more frequency lately. Moments where it suddenly hits you: Holy dang, we are going to have a baby. I SAW my child yesterday. It's completely and totally real. And in two months, that child will be here, in our home, a part of our family.

It's a scary thought. I don't really know of ANYONE who is completely ready for a baby. I'm certainly not. But it's ok. I've got Amber :). And I've got both sides of the family who, thank the Lord, are absolutely more than ready to help us out in any way possible. It's such an incredible blessing because I know people who don't have that. They're a single parent, or a couple who have kids, and they're on their own. They don't have that comfort and support of family members, either because they don't have any, or they live too far away, or simply because their family sucks.

I know I mention this in about every post, but God has truly blessed us. I cannot keep count of the ways. And it's not because we go to church every Sunday, or know the right people. It's because God has chosen, of His own free will, to bless us. It's unconditional. God doesn't expect anything in return. How insane is that? It's awesome. And more the reason to praise and thank Him every day for the blessings.

Life is about to get turned upside down. I know there's no way to prepare for it. It was just like marriage. No amount of books, or people's stories or advice can prepare you for what's ahead. You just have to experience it. As much as it freaks me out, I'm so ready for it.

God is Good, All the Time. All the Time, God is Good.

Thank Him today for the blessings. 

The Art of Faith

For some reason today John 20:29 popped into my head during church. "Blessed are those who have not seen and yet believe." It's the most simple definition of faith. Believing in something that you cannot see.

What would it have been like to see Jesus? I mean, the literal Son of God, a being fully man and yet completely and fully God? And to not only see him, but to live with him as his closest disciples during his time of ministry? How amazing would that have been?

It just really hit me today the idea behind faith. We base our theology and faith off of those closest to the Son of God. We have Faith that what they saw and wrote down accurately represents God and Jesus. I mean, of course we believe because it's the Word of God, but even THAT belief is taken on faith.

Blessed are those who have not seen and yet believe. Many of us have not seen Jesus. Or God. Yet we still wholly believe he is who he says he is. Our faith is GREATER than the disciples. The very disciples who lived with Christ. Because we didn't live with Jesus. We haven't seen him personally heal the blind, or give a sermon full of parallels and symbolism. And yet we STILL believe.

So for every Christian who reads this, you are more blessed than the disciples. God rewards your faith in the things unseen. And for those who haven't accepted Christ, maybe you will one day, and see the rewards of faith in a completely sovereign God

Job, Wifey, God (not in order of importance)

It's been awhile, eh?

A lot has happened in a month (well more like 6 weeks). Wow. I've been at my job for about 5 weeks. And have learned a ton. No amount of college deadlines matches the speed at which I blow thru designs. The pace of this job is unlike anything I thought to be possible. You always imagine having fairly strict deadlines, but this...this is insane. But it's amazing for me. I love the job part. Bosses are a different story. I won't go into it, but it's a wee bit crazy.

My wifey is a growing. She's 29 weeks along. TWENTY. NINE. That's almost 30 ;) It is absolutely ridiculous that in a couple of months we will be in the hospital having a BABY. I must say I'm absolutely smitten with little Layla. She has a ton of personality (hard to believe for something that hasn't come out of a womb yet). Apparently Amber scared Layla upon dropping a can on the ground, which caused Layla to "jump."

Pregnancy has had its up and downs, but for the most part, it has been a fairly easy ride (from the husband's perspective, mind you). Amber has had nothing majorly wrong happen, and she keeps herself very healthy. I have enjoyed every bit of it, but I think Amber is definitely ready to be done. I'm just ready to see this cute, adorable little baby Layla. We've gone to childbirthing classes, and learned waayyyyyyy too much stuff I didn't need to. It was good, I learned some extremely helpful things, just there was some stuff no man should need/want to know about.

We had our baby shower Sunday. And were "showered" with gifts. See what I did there??? lol. Really though, I am so thankful for everyone who has given support for our first child. We won't go without anything I believe, and we have so many people to go to if anything should happen. We feel unbelievably blessed. So thank you everyone. Truly.

Thru all of this God has really shown Himself. He has poured blessings on us, and I do my best to give praise to Him. It's honestly difficult sometimes. I mean, after all, I can take the credit for a lot of it right? I'm the one in the physical realm, doing this stuff. But it's truly because of God that ALL of this has happened. Some people have a hard time attributing anything on Earth being a direct result of God's blessing, and yes, sometimes that person is me. Yet I put my faith in the FACT that God is leading my life, and He knows best, and always will. He can, will, and does, take care of me and my family.

Thanks to everyone who has supported us. It means a lot. And soon we will have a new person to add to the family!

God Bless!