Blessed

This is probably the most current and accurate word that I can describe my life right now. These past few weeks have been nothing but blessed. Now I'm not really aiming to brag, but Christians (and non-Christians) like to hear about the joys and blessings of others, right?

Layla Grace. That's her name. The name of our little baby girl. Not only have I gotten to see her, but she's a stubborn, kicking little being. Getting to feel our baby has got to be one of the most exciting and terrifying things in the world. It's just unreal that there is a living, breathing, moving, kicking, human being inside of my wife's womb. Just the complexity of it screams God. And having a constant reminder of God right next to you is an amazing blessing.

A baby of course has financial obligations. But what do you know? God has taken care of that, at least temporarily. I've recently been promoted to Shift Supervisor at Godfather's Pizza. Not exactly what I believed would be the plan when I prayed to God for help, but hey, God is God, and I am not. He has reminded me that He will take care of me and He will do it however He wants. Not that I am complaining, it's just humorous how in control we think we and how we believe we know what's best for us at any time.

God has always promised to take care of us. He will and does always provide, especially in ways we don't think are possible or wanted. It's a harsh lesson to be learned, but what doesn't kill you makes you smarter, not necessarily stronger. God keeps us in check, thank goodness. And when we are faithful, He blesses us. Like I just said, it's pretty much guaranteed that it won't be in the manner you want. But I am fully under the influence that He always blesses those who are faithful to Him.

I'll try to keep updating more frequently, I just had major blogging/writer's block this past month.

God bless everyone. Thanks for reading!

Tomorrow

So tomorrow is the one of the biggest day of my...excuse me...our lives. Tomorrow we find out whether we are going to have a girl or a boy. I absolutely cannot wait to find out. I want a girl, and so does Amber. But I will be completely content with a boy. 

I still can't believe that God has chosen to bless us with a child. A few years ahead of schedule, but hey, God knows what He's doing right? I think so. 

I just wanted to have a post about this. And I'm so incredibly, unbelievably, crazy, ridiculously, undoubtedly excited for tomorrow at 930. 

Bring. It.

Becoming Content (part 2)

In the last paragraph of my previous post, it became clear that I hadn't really delved into how the spiritual content influences me. It has a tremendous effects in every aspect of my life. It's interesting how God has a way of affecting every part of your life even when don't see how it could. So here we go.

Yes, this contentness influences worldly desires. Who doesn't dream or aspire to live in a large house that can comfortably hold his family? Who doesn't want to have a career that more than takes care of his family? These "worldly" things are what I want, what I desire. It's not wrong to want them. Any "real" man would seek to take care of his family in such ways. God wants us to want. And He wants us to tell Him what we want.

The only problem is that when we tell Him what we want, and He doesn't instantly gratify it. Oh if it's in the cards, He'll make sure you get it, but it might take years. And we don't like that. I'll admit, I don't like that. I don't like to be told that I can tell God what I want, that's it's ok to want that, and then to hear, "Trust Me, I know what is best, when is best, where is best, and I know how is best." It sucks.

But it's in that midst that the Godly Contentness takes over. See, I'm learning that there doesn't need to be a distinction between my spiritual and worldly worlds. It's not like being right brained or left brained. God wants them so intermingled that you can't tell the difference (in a good way). That idea is hard for me to grasp sometimes. But in those "light bulb" moments, God shows me that I can trust Him, and that He'll pull through. He doesn't need my help, He just needs me to let go. To let go of everything I've made in my head. My head. I won't let go sometimes because I don't want God to take what I thought of. I don't want Him to meddle in my Ideals.

Sounds laughable right? But how many times have YOU done it? You won't be able to count, that's how many times. It's a daily struggle for me. Every day I have to commit to letting God take control. And there's several days where that doesn't happen. I just won't let God take it. Not from lack of trust. Simply because I'm tied to it. If He takes those plans, He takes me with them too. And then I'm not in control. And for a human, it rocks the very core of oneself to not be in control of the only thing that they believe is only theirs.

Every person can relate. I don't think on the level that I'm talking about. Or maybe you can relate deeper than I've experienced. I hope every person can feel that complete lack of control, so that they HAVE to rely on God as their only option. It's absolutely petrifying, but it changes you in ways you can't possibly imagine.

That's all I have for now. May God bless each and every one of you in the manner He seems fit. 

Becoming Content (part 1)

I know I mention this in about every post I've had so far in one sense or another, but it has remained a constant struggle for me. In my mind, things can always be better, I can always improve my situation, I (as in myself) never want to be content, so why should I?

Having said that, let me clarify further. There are at least two different types of content. We will call it worldly content, and spiritually/Godly/"Christian" content.

Worldly content has become synonymous with settling. Settling in the negative sense. It means accepting that things are the way they are and you just have to live with it. That not everyone is meant to succeed and achieve beyond their current, meager(?) circumstances. That is how a majority of Americans, and probably most of the world, feels right now. Especially now. There isn't anything they can do to help their current circumstance because either they don't have the faith, the heart, or the hope that they can get beyond that point.

I can't blame them, or judge them. In today's society, only what seems like a handful of people have jobs. The economy has tanked, and will continue to tank. I have little faith in the people who are supposed to be representative of the collective peoples of the United States. "The richer get richer, the poorer get poorer." That statement has never been more true. The American Dream no longer exists. It was butchered by corporations who abused the system that was intended to create a better life for every American. So the people lose heart. And they settle.

Now we turn to Spiritual/Godly/"Christian" content. This content is what is hard for me to grasp. God has not fully taught me the virtue of patience. And yet patience-to me-has slowly become synonymous with this Godly content. To be content with your current circumstances in this sense is NOT to settle. It is the understanding that things can and will get better, but until that opportunity presents itself (in God's timing, keep this in mind) you must be content with what you have. So it's a temporary content. Ever changing, ever adapting to what's going on in the now, but knowing that you can achieve well beyond your current self.

The hardest part is having the idea of what I want to achieve in my head, knowing what I can achieve, and yet knowing it won't come quickly. I almost said instantly. Society demands instantly. I don't necessarily want instantly. I DON'T want instantly actually. I want to enjoy the process of reaching my ideal, yet I don't want the years and years that it might take. That is why it's hard for me to stay content. There is always the drive for me to move forward, 24/7. But time goes by at a constant. Things don't just appear and I snatch it up. They have to develop, and only God knows (literally, not just using the saying 'God knows) how long that will take.

I hate to cut this brutally short, but this could get long, and I don't want to bore my audience all at once, so I'll post pt 2 tomorrow. So stay tuned everyone!

G'night and God Bless!

Twists and Turns of Life

Its seems these days that relatively everything about my life is not certain. Life is full of ifs, ands, or buts. We aren't sure where we will be living once our lease is up. I still don't have a well paying job, which I will desperately need to have once Amber stops working. We don't want to switch churches, but depending on the drive and other circumstances, we may not have a choice.  Amber still hasn't gotten approved for MedicAid, so we are still paying out of pocket for that.

I could pretty much go on and on if I chose to. But God is Bigger. He is Better. And lately, I have learned to lean on Him more fully than I have in a long while. Marriage has been unbelievably, absolutely crucial to that for me. I've learned more personal aspects of God in the last six months that I'd never gotten to know if it weren't for marrying my wife. I thank God for her daily. God has given me a relatively sense of patience and security about the future, even though I have no clue what that might look like.

Yet, not everything is going nowhere in my life. My marriage is still completely solid, we are still definitely having a baby in August. Amber is feeling tons better than she did in the first trimester. I have a peace about the future. It's hard no doubt, and completely scary. But I have God. And through the Creator of the Universe, I can do ALL things.

The most interesting thing right now is an idea that has so lodged itself in my head, I need to get it all figured out, simply to determine if it's a plausible idea or not. I'm starting a coffee company. There. Said it. "But dude, you don't drink coffee." "Nope, I sure don't." "Dude, you don't know anything about coffee." "No, not really. But I can learn." "Dude, you're an art major, not a business major." "Haha, totally. But I can learn from friends who are." These are just a few of the conversations my mind has with itself (yes, I have conversations in my mind).

It's crazy sounding, starting your own company. But I can't get my mind off of it. It's just not happening. So I'm diving in, doing the research, reading a bagillion articles, asking advice from friends, etc etc. This company won't launch easily for another year probably (if it launches at all). But I feel like it's something that I have to do right now. Thankfully I have the loving support of my wife. It means a mountainous amount to have that.

And so I'm going for it. Moving forward. With Christ as my Head, and my wife by my side.

This ride just got a little more crazy. And I'm lovin' it. Bada ba ba ba

Terrible at Keeping This Updated

So yes, indeed I am absolutely awful at keeping this thing updated for everyone. I will honestly try to do my best from now on to at least update every week.

So much has happened in this last month or so. First, we got to see the baby! At the time, it was barely the size of a lime, and its head was AS big as its body, an odd site to be sure. But I couldn't help but tear up. I mean, that is our BABY. The being that is growing inside of my wonderful wife. It was a crazy awesome sight to be sure. And it gave my wife the reassurance that she is indeed pregnant hahaha.

Now, our little baby is looking steadily like a human being. Its body is becoming more proportionate, and it's kicking around like crazy, but not to the point to where I can feel it. I am cruising through my Father-To-Be book, and learning a crazy amount about just what my wife is going through, and about how I can be of help/not be a burden to her. It's a book that I would highly recommend to ANY father going through a pregnancy.

One thing I read is that husbands sometimes have 'sympathy pains' and the such to help their spouse not feel alone. The thing is though, research has been done that symptoms such as cravings, nausea, pains, etc are not just mimicking things husbands do, but actual bodily feelings that they cannot control. I myself have been feeling this. I can't stop eating salad, with vegetables I would never ever eat raw, but suddenly they're delicious! That's just one example. I've been eating healthier than ever, and it all tastes good when it didn't a few months ago. I'm not going to complain, but it's just bizarre.

I've been loving this though. I'm learning all new things about my wife, and I am steadily learning to put full trust in the Lord despite my worldly "problems" that my mind tends to focus on. I understand and believe that God can and will provide. He has already blessed me beyond belief, beyond what I believe I deserve. But that's how God rolls. And who am I to question why He chooses to bless me. I'll take whatever I can receive, and praise Him continually, no matter if the blessings come or not.

I'll get better at this peeps. Thanks for everyone's support!

Bringing in the New Year

Yes, I know it's not New Year's day. But hey, it's close enough right? I can honestly say that the whole New Year's hoopla has never really appealed to me. I understood its significance to people, but that usually fades away a few weeks after. I've never made a new year's resolution, and only these past two have I had someone to kiss at midnight.
But THIS New Year's had a lot of special significance for me:
First, I have a year long goal: stay steady with the Love Dare book my wife got me. YES, the one from Fireproof. And NO, our marriage is in no way in the ruts or rocky. In fact, it's amazing. It's just something my wonderful wife thought would be good for me to do, and I'm VERY excited to keep with it. It's my daily devotion, and has a love dare that I'm to carry out each week for a year. Any opportunity to deepen my marriage and strengthen the love I have with my wife, I will gladly accept. Like I said, I'm VERY excited to delve into this.
B, I have a "fitness" goal: To lose my stomach. I don't want 300 style abs, I just don't want to have a stomach poochin' out. And I want this flat stomach by the time our baby arrives (the pelican is due August 7th by the way). Feasible? Absolutely. It just means a physical and nutritional routine that I cannot deviate from at all. That's gonna be harder for me than anything else, but hey, I think I've got the motivation to tackle this. I just have to do it!
Charlie, there's a job goal: To have at LEAST 25% of the total income that I make to be from freelancing. That's everything freelance; graphic design, photography, (hopefully) web design, anything art related. It's really been on my heart to find a job that I will love doing, and something that can provide more than enough for my family. And as scary as it sounds, freelancing is one of those routes. There's money in the profession I currently find myself in, I just have to go after it, market myself, hone my skills, and learn from those who have succeeded. There's nothing more exciting to me than being able to create design, to be able to be with my wife and my child whenever I can working from home, and to be free in the things that I want to pursue. That is my American Dream.

Then as I was thinking about these goals before the end of 2011, a thought smashed into me: Not only will I have a baby (hoping for a girl, I'll take either), but he/she will be 5 MONTHS OLD. Holy. Moses. I had already gotten through the fact that I would have a kid, that was easy. But the thought that our little boy/girl would be 5 months old just rocked my world for a minute. I couldn't believe it. I don't want to believe it. haha. My father instincts (I guess most men are hardwired with them) kicked in. How could our kid be 5 months old by the end of next year? That's insane!
I don't know why these thoughts kept running around in my head. It's not like I already have the baby sleeping in the other room, thinking about how they are growing up. This baby is still in my wife! I guess I'm just that excited to be a father. And that terrified. I'm going to be THAT dad for sure. But we have excellent friends, an excellent church, a family 40 minutes away (experienced with grandchildren) and another family 3.5 hours away (very eagerly awaiting to gain experience with grandchildren). God can and will take care of us. I have literally no doubt about that. I am so firmly resolved in taking care of my family that I don't think even God could change my mind. Not that He would. But still..haha.
The new year is my chance. Not to wipe the slate clean, but to further engrave every bit of advice, experience, and love into what I have now. Adding a new layer, so to speak. I'm excited beyond belief. And I cannot imagine ever starting a new year without my wife. She's keeping my life in check, and my head on my shoulders. She's my heartbeat, God is my every breath. Without her, I wouldn't be the father I'm going to be....if that makes sense. And without Him, I wouldn't have met my wife, and I wouldn't be filled with grace.
Praise be to God. Have an amazing New Year my friends and family.