Testing Testing 1 2 3

Two posts ago I briefly recapped my relationship with God through the last half of 2012. A lot of questioning. A LOT of doubting. And I've been getting better at not questioning, filling it instead with praying. Instead of wondering why, I'm trying to focus on my North Star to guide me. It's not easy for me. It never has. 

Friday we were at a gender reveal party for the youth pastor of our church (they're having a boy btw, super stoked for them!). But during this party, the head pastor and I were sitting next to each other and he asked how I was doing. Now, Pastor Bill is one of those guys who would really love to hear what is reallllly going on, how you are really doing. Whether or not he was expecting if from me, I have no idea. But he got it. 

I explained a little about how my last year was going with God. How every storm I faced, I doubted that God knew short-term what He was doing. I knew He had a plan for long-term (years down the road), but doubted his short game strategy. THEN, after the storm lifted, how He knew all along. Wash, Rinse, Repeat. That cycle was constant. How was I not getting it through my head that He is in control? Why couldn't I trust God when He clearly, repeatedly, showed Himself to me? 

Pastor Bill interrupted me then. He said he was listening to a sermon years ago, pretty much about what was going on in my life. The point the speaker made was that God will give us the same test over and over and over again until we pass. That resounded in my head: God will give us the same test over and over and over again until we pass. 

It's been stuck in my head since Friday. That phrase has made me apologize to a dear friend for my attitude towards his situation (inadvertently being the holier-than-thou Christian). It has made me feel broken. It has made me feel stupid. And it has forced me to realize that my approach is STILL wrong. 

You want to be angry at a God who would make you go through the same thing over and over again, but, now especially as a parent, I can see why He would do it. Loving your child is also teaching them. Usually, when the child sees the consequences of a certain action, they stop. But some kids are.....stubborn? Slower? It may take a few times, but eventually they'll learn their lesson. God is the exact same way. Out of love He teaches us. And He'll give us the same test until we pass, until we learn. It can be as simple as that. 

I want to say that this will cause me to "pass" right away. But I'm one of those stubborn children. And a little slow. My wife jabbed at me to "get it through my head." I'm definitely working on it. Pray for me please. For courage, strength, consistency, wisdom. Anything that'll get me that passing grade ;)

Prayers:

1) One of the ladies in our Life Group asked us to pray for her school. Lot of troubled family situations there. Pray for a peace to reside over all the teachers there, and strength for her to be able to do the right thing with the situations that are presented to her. 

May the peace that surpasses all understanding guard your heart and minds through Christ Jesus

Amen

Family

This post might be short. But it's a point that has been bugging me for some reason. And I want to get it out, and onto this blog. So hear me out, even if you don't think this applies to you.

Family is everything. If I could tell someone one thing, it would be that. The family is the nucleus of civilization. I'm going Aristotle on you guys. Were it not for the family, I wouldn't be typing this out. It's the basis from which we began. Take it all the way back to Adam. He was alone. God saw that it wasn't good for him to be, so he created Eve. Boom, first family. I mean, God created the entire universe, day, night, earth, water, land, plants, animals, man. Then a family. If that's not an indication of the importance of the family, I don't know what is.

I place family higher than everything but God. I am a huge believer in family before other people. If I had a choice between choosing a friend or family, I'll pick family every time. I love being a part of a family. God has blessed me not only with amazing parents and a fantastic sister, and not only with amazing in-laws, but with a family to call my own. And being a father has only strengthened the bonds I have with all my family. Because God has stressed upon me the importance of it.

Now I understand that MANY of my readers don't have what God has blessed me with. Many of you have broken homes. Some of you have been abandoned by your biological family. Maybe you've been exiled in a sense. Or perhaps they simply aren't there for you. Let me tell you something: You have a family. Friends can be a better family than your biological family ever could have been. Mentors can be family. If you're a Christian, you have an entire world's full of family. And even if you're not a Christian, there are always some humble enough ones to be more than willing to take you in. Don't be put down by those Christians who judge. Find the ones that Love instead. There will always be people you can run to. Even if you feel there isn't.

Work on your family this week. Tell them that one thing that's been holding you back. Seek out someone when you feel lonely and lost. Someone you trust. Build/Renew/Develop a relationship with someone so you can have a family. I promise you it will improve your life, someway, somehow.


"May the peace of God, which passes all understanding, guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

Hi-A-Tus

It's crazy to think that my last blog post was December 2nd. I honestly thought I had at least done a post for the New Year. Welp, turns out I was wrong. Oh well. Forgive me my followers. For this post, I simply want to review 2012 and maybe a tiny bit more.

If there's one thing I have learned over the last year, it's that God is in control. That doesn't mean that I've trusted him the whole time. And it certainly doesn't mean that we've had the strongest relationship. The last half of the year was extremely rough for my walk with God. After all, if God was a Good God, why would he let me go through the unreal amount of stress I faced for over four months? Why would he make us use all of our savings that my wife worked so hard for? Why this, Why that?

You want to know MY answer: I don't know. I don't know why God made me go through that. Whether it's a lack of intelligence or because God hasn't revealed it to me, I honestly don't know the reason for that storm. My wife said that having me home those first four months really helped her cope with being a new mom. Could that be the reason? It's certainly possible. And while I am more than grateful that I got to watch my daughter grow those four months, there's something inside of me that says that wasn't the reason, that there is something greater at work.

The point is, just recently I have very slowly moved out of the WHY stage. I think too often we as Christians focus on the WHY of the storm. When we are facing adversity we feel the need to know why. It's human nature; logic demands a reason. But I think our mindset should instead focus on battling through the storm. If we focused our faith and trust in God, we will forget the why, and simply rely on him and use his help to get us through it....Wait, I said simply. It's never simple. Relying on God takes strength. Courage. Faith. In a storm, those don't come easily. Which again calls for a focused mind on God.

So that's where I am at this point of the new year. I am trying to focus my mind on God. Not concerning myself with the why's, they'll reveal themselves to me in time. I know this won't be easy. God and I have a lot of catching up to do. And I'm thankful for the people who listen (well....read) this blog. It encourages me when I see a lot of people looking at my posts. It means I'm being heard.

Prayer Requests & Praises:
With every post, I want to share at least a few prayer requests and praises, both personal and from friends/family/anyone who wants their requests to be made known. So here we go!

Prayer:
1) I have a friend who is in a very dark place in his life. It has made him question every single thing he could ever have faith in. And so my request is that you all simply pray for him. As hard and mightily as you can, and that God can reach him and wrap him in light. You are being heard friend.

2) Pray for my future. Right now there's a slight chance my job may not exist for too much longer, and I don't have another one lined up. Either way by Mid-May/June, my job ends for the summer. So pray that I can either find a job or that business will really start cranking up.

Praise:
1) There is a little girl, Aubree Shaw, whose parents I used to go to church with. She has been diagnosed with a very rare disorder that basically doesn't allow her rib-cage to grow fast enough with the rest of her body. She has to have surgery every 6 months to expand her rib-cage. Awful awful thing.

BUT! She just got released today from the hospital! She's definitely improving and healing! It's such a heartbreaking story but God has definitely been through the entire thing. So praises that she's recovering and doing great!


This is my new ending quote for the year, and I think it's more than befitting of my current situation:


"May the peace of God, which passes all understanding, guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

Amen.

Thankful

November was the month of realizing what you're thankful for. Most everyone knows that, and it was great to see the social media scene blowing up with people being positive and "thankful," if only for a month. And so I looked up the definition of thankful, clicked the first link, and got these three definitions:

1. Conscious of benefit received.
2. Expression of thanks.
3. Well pleased: glad.

The second definition was a given. The first was a little odd in the way it was defined. But the third. It snagged me. Well pleased. The sentence it used was "was thankful that it didn't rain." It was an interesting term for thankful, or at least one that I hadn't really thought of.

For those who follow this trend of describing who/what/when/where/why they're thankful, I'm sure they mean it in the most genuine way. Yet the way a majority of people describe their thanks, it only goes down to the second definition. They are aware of the benefits that have been given to them. Now whether or not you believe God gives those to you or not, that's all up to you. Either way, you have been "given" many benefits simply if you live in America. And no doubt what they say is an expression of thanks, yet I believe that part is the most detached of the three.

But few go down to that third layer. There's a difference between being aware of what you have while being understandingly thankful for them, and being well pleased or glad for them. See, especially as Americans, we tend to hold thankfulness in one hand while craving after something the next. I am amazingly thankful for what I have, including this very computer that I'm writing out this blog on. And at the same time, I wouldn't mind having an iPad, that way I can shpeeeeeel about my life via a tablet and be very cool-like. It's become second nature for us. It's our culture.

And yet the more I think about what being well pleased is like, the more the word content comes to mind. It's a foreign concept, and not one you'll often find in the American culture. To me, if you're content with what you have, you're pleased with it. It means you aren't looking for something else to satisfy you. You're completely ok with having just a computer instead of having a computer AND wanting that iPad.

Having more will not bring me to God. That's not the path to righteousness. However, being content with what you have, being thankful for what you currently have, that can bring you to God. Because when you're content-thankful-with what you have, you can focus that desire and energy for stuff on God instead. It's a lesson I've learned and re-learned countless times.

I could go further, but this post has taken two weeks to develop :)

Closing words: Be THANKFUL. Be Content. 

The Grace of God

I would start this post out by quoting some super cheesy line or scripture about how God provides to those who are faithful, and how that's been the story of these past (almost) four months. But that wouldn't be true. While God has provided, I definitely haven't always been faithful. There were several points where I severely questioned God's plan. After all, once you've applied to countless jobs, only to have two respond, and both just simply not contact you back, you start to lose hope.

I'm not saying that I was turning away from God. I wasn't questioning my salvation or anything (already been through that stage of my faith). It was simply that I wasn't looking towards Him, running after Him. At times, it came down to wondering if God was really providing. Did God's Plan really involve me going through all this junk? Did God even have  a plan for me? I remember there was one day where I asked why He would put my family through this, and why wasn't He showing His Mercy and Grace that I've so often seen before? Was He going to provide?

The answer came often enough, but not directly from God. God helped me find peace through my wife and my child. My wife constantly reminded me that God has provided for us countless times in the short period we've been married. Thankfully, Amber had been able to save up enough money that we have been able to sustain ourselves off of it for these past four months. My wife prayed for me when I was really down and hurting. She would help me see God when I couldn't.

And not to mention my Laylabug. This gift from God has kept me pushing. Kept me trying. And the best part about these past four months: I got to be there for my little girl. Every day. I haven't missed her first laugh. Her first smile. I have been able to see my child grow up from the day she was born. That in itself is a rarity that few fathers have the privilege of having.

God has also provided in other ways. While business isn't "booming," it has picked up. Any money made, no matter how little, is money, right? And with this new job, I can still freelance, meaning I could help make up my time lost. Thank God for that! We also have family that have been more than willing to help us out. We weren't handed out freebies mind you, I've worked for it, and so has Amber. But I thank God for family.

All of this leads up to my title: The Grace of God. I'm not on a mountain right now. Am I thankful for this job? Absolutely, 1000000% But these past four months have drained our savings. There's the ever so slight chance that this job won't be long-term. God and I have some patching up to do. I haven't been faithful to Him because I was angry and frustrated at Him. I'm still in a valley. But God's Grace redeems me. He forgives me for how I've acted towards Him. By His Grace, He will continue to redeem me. By providing these four months, He has shown His Grace, every single day. And I thank Him for it.

I still need prayers. We always need prayer. Make it sincere. Pray for our country, its future, our future as a free people. Pray that God works in us.

By His Grace, and only by His Grace.

Decisions Part II

Remember that last post....way back at the end of September? Ya. I was supposed to give an opposing view to Mr. Anonymous, who, very kindly, gave an interesting POV. Basing my beliefs from my last post out of Ezekiel, I realized I wasn't specific enough. I base it from Ezekiel 38, which depicts a Israel surrounded by hostile nations bent on Israel's destruction (aka, their entire history).

I broke this chapter down for a friend a couple of weeks ago. And so I'd like to do the same now:

Ezekiel 38:1-6 lists the nations against Israel.

  The nations are as followed:
     Gog and Magog is Russia.
     Meshech and Tubal is Turkey.
     Persia is Iran.
     Cush is Sudan.
     Put is Lybia.
   Those are the main countries listed.

Ezekiel 38:7-9 is Modern Israel.

These verses clearly state a Modern Israel, most importantly from verse 8-"In future years you will invade a land that has recovered from war, whose people were gathered from many nations to the mountains of Israel, which had long been desolate. They had been brought out from the nations, and now all of them live in safety"

Now obviously this takes place in the future, as Israel is anywhere but near peace and safety. But it's an Israel where its people were scattered throughout the nations, and now have united again. Israel had never been "scattered" before, only exiled to a single nation. Thus, this prophecy must relate to Modern Israel.

Ezekiel 38:10-23 is the attack on Israel by those afore mentioned nations, and also God's divine intervention.

Note that only God intervenes for Israel. No other nation is mentioned as being on Israel defense. Why wouldn't America? Relations are icy at best right now, but we are still Israel's only official ally. Right? So what's the deal? Interesting.


My point in this is to state a more specific part of Ezekiel, and drawing a modern picture of a prophecy told millennia ago. That should clear up the main misunderstanding. I'm not saying Israel in Ezekiel is America. I'm merely stating that America doesn't do anything to prevent Israel from being destroyed, based on this prophecy. I know that's a lot to go off of. But as I've studied other parts of the Bible, and have done some research, I find this more and more to be true. And that's concerning.

It's my personal belief that God will judge America to the point where we have no influence to the rest of the world. Not because we aren't a country of Christians anymore, rather because we are a nation that has cause more immoral acts of evil than any other nation in the history of the world. Not only that, but we are the leading activist for encouraging these immoral acts throughout the entire world. And that perversion will be answered by God. It's not something we as Americans want to think about. But it's a reality for me. So I must act accordingly, spread the word of what I believe, and hope that perhaps some will see what I see and that they will act.

Thank you Mr. Anonymous for keeping this debate civil and polite. It's a rare characteristic nowadays.

God bless all of you in every way possible

Lost in the Noise/Decisions

I realized yesterday that I haven't blogged in a while. And it was shortly after that I realized it had been almost a month since my last post. Apologies all around. One could say that being still unemployed gives you a lack of things to talk about. Redundancy tends to run rampant. So I simply had no motivation to blog.

Well, some things have changed.

I've the decent chance at a new job. It's a graphic design position, the company looks pretty cool, and I get to fully use both my graphic design, as well as my photography experience. My "second interview" yesterday was probably the most intense second interview I've ever had. I started by creating an advertisement piece for the company using their logos (that was interesting). After that, I was asked to do a photoshoot of their products using studio lighting. Considering I haven't used studio lighting in about three years, THAT was fun. Eventually I got the whole lighting thing down, took some great shots, edited them, and that was it. Took about two hours. I was just a little bit nervous as you can bet. But I think I have a solid chance at getting this job. I hope.

Layla turns 2 months old tomorrow! Holy. Cow. She has already changed soooooo much. She's learning to talk (baby talk, coos and awws and all sorts of cutesy stuff). She can hold her head up consistently, and is kinda sorta maybe starting to learn to crawl. Nothing prepares you for this. It's amazing. Ya, you may be around babies, you may have been there to watch your niece and nephew grow up. But, personally, it doesn't compare to watching your own child grow up. I love it. Layla has been such an immense blessing to Amber and I. To say that I look forward to seeing her grow UP is too....lacking. It excites me beyond a whole long list of other things.


Now this next little bit of what I'm going to say, I must warn you, will sound a little far fetched. So if you're not into a Christian's perspective on current events (not directly meaning politics, but it does tie in), biblical prophecy, or a man sounding a little off his rocker, you don't have to read it.

Of late, I have been reading several books, both non-fiction and fiction, about biblical prophecy and how it relates to present day. Immediately some of you will role your eyes. I'll admit, I did at first when my father-in-law started talking about it. But then he kept going into more and more details, backing it up with prophecy (mostly Ezekiel). THEN, I started reading these books about it all. Even going into with a bias against it, the amount of evidence I've seen is startling.

Essentially -and this point is the most crucial, especially for Americans- both Ezekiel and these books proclaim that America will not be a key player when it comes down to the "End Times." Whether that means we aren't strong enough to make a difference, or we aren't even a country at this point, I have no clue. But the message is, we won't matter.

I know that sounds ridiculous. How could we, America, not play a significant role? WE ARE AMERICA AFTER ALL. I have theories, but would rather not spill them out here.

But one thing is also certain. God has called us out of this country. And by us, I mean His Children. Because when the s%*! hits the fan, God is going to judge America. Our nation has become a cesspool of evil and rebellion from God, and when it comes time, He will judge her. So He calls His People out of this nation, lest we be judged along with the rest.

This is my point. When the time comes, my family is most important to me. I don't see leaving this country as abandoning it. Not when I have a message from God saying to leave. It doesn't all make sense. Sometimes even I think it's still crazy. I mean, leaving the country I've lived in my entire life. Leaving everything behind. How insane is that? Leaving AMERICA? Who would do that? But given the opportunity to protect my family, I'd do it in a heartbeat.

Knock it off as lunacy. Say I'm crazy. I'll take my chances. Especially when it means saving my family.

Here's the two main books I've been reading if you want to look it up:

Non Fiction:

The End of America: The Role of Islam in the End Times and Biblical Warnings of Flee America by John Price

Epicenter: Why the Current Rumblings in the Middle East Will Change the Future by Joel Rosenberg



If you want to know more, just ask me, and I'll do my best to answer them in its entirety. May God continue to bless every one of you.